Quantum Performance Management - News, articles and cooperation

As most of you may be aware for the last 31 days we have gone through a series of resolutions for the new year, leading from Passion to Success, and today I am proud to announce the coming of our first book: 30 Days to Change: Resolutions and Solutions.

Working on the premise of real and lasting change -and using the resolutions presented this month – we are presenting not only the philosophy and science of change, but also techniques, strategies and personal stories to help you make the changes you need.

Coming out this spring, we will be posting news on the process and any updates. So keep your eyes peeled, and remember that you success is always within reach.

Well, we’re almost ready for our next NLP Practitioner Training class in Nova Scotia. Our new manuals are ready and looking beautiful with new graphics, exercises and sections to help any class journey into the world of NLP.

With ten Modules to teach the basics of Neuro-Linguistic Programming in its many contexts we offer pure, undiluted lessons with many techniques created by Richard Bandler, John Grinder, Gregory Bateson, Robert Dilts, Tad Williams and more along with the resources to preform them with confidence.

We’ll help you to unlock the potential of your own mind while offering a comprehensive course that’s both fun and helpful in any field.

So keep an eye open for our classes, coming soon, and keep watching for updates on our progress in enhancing our classes for you.

When it comes to communication there are many realms of misunderstandings that can occur. Words are spoken out of line, a person’s tone leads into an unintended hurt and relationships are broken. One of the most devastating of these breaks are the ones that occur in our personal lives with our friends, families and significant others.

In the best selling book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” by John Gray there is much advice offered in bridging such gaps – particularly those within a romantic relationship. In it he provides a generalized overview of two very different communication models – That of the Kinesthetic communicator (Venus) and the Digital (Mars). While his book offers excellent advice on how to allow free and open communication between these two models, he only offers insight into part of the mystery of communication.

Though it may be true that Kinesthetics are in tune with their “feminine forces” of emotion, hands-on experiences and have a need for human connection, not all women fall into this model of communication. Just as many men are not Digital. The issue arises from the fact that these two communication models are on the furthest sides of the spectrum from one another. A K-Type person will find a D-Type person cold, unreachable and distant, whereas a D- Type will find a K-Type to be illogical, flighty and unreasonable.

The differences become immediately apparent, and though opposites may attract, and the two types find a balance in one another, communication becomes an increasingly difficult thing to work through.

When it comes to communications there are four basic communication types, along with a variety of sub-categories that will determine how communication should be established. The flexible speaker will deviate from their natural communication types in order to find common ground and create a natural rapport in which there can be easy exchanges between two parties.

Visual

V- Type communicators will speak in very visual language. “Do you see what I am saying?” they might ask when searching for some understanding. “They’re a very bright person,” they might remark about a person who has caught their interest.

Visual people tend to learn fast and make up a staggering 65% of the general population. Most public schools are taught to teach the visual learner, and advertisers are always playing on the visual person’s ability to take in their environment.

Audial

A-Type communicators will speak to a sound related audience. “I hear what you’re saying,” they’ll say to show understanding, or “That rings a bell,” when remembering something.

After V-Type people, A-Types learn the fastest, and they have a strong affinity for music, tonality and the spoken word. Approximately 15-20% of the current population is audial, and  can be mollified through the right tonality over body language or physical appearance.

Kinesthetic

K-Types, as we have mentioned, are very in touch with their emotions. “I can’t quite grasp that idea,” they’ll say when failing to understand or “I feel that…” when trying to explain their own viewpoints.

K-type people are slower learners than the rest, and tend to need hands on training as opposed to spoken repetition and hand outs. Unfortunately this also applies to their experiences in the world. They need to have the sense of being understood on a level differently from the others. This means that when it comes to being a K-Type it can seem like only another K-Type can understand how you feel. Only 5% of the population are K-Types, and many “slow” students find that they are K-Types in a system designed for A and V-Type people.

Digital

Which leaves us with the D-Type person. If you’ve been following our math you’ll realize that Digital People (who can also sometimes fall into the A-Type category becoming AD-Type people) make up 10-15% of the population, a number that grows as the computer age continues to impact our lives.

Digital people might “Want to know if you understand them.” They have a need to “realize what others are thinking.” When pitted against someone who doesn’t care what others think, only what they feel in their guts, problems arise very quickly.

Digital people spend a lot of time thinking to themselves and will literally shift through mental conversations over and over again before speaking on a matter. This silence tends to frighten K-Types, and sometimes A-Types who don’t understand the more methodical communicator that the D-Type is.

Observation

The most important way to approach a communication break-down is to watch, listen, and emulate the other person’s mode of speech. When one translates between the four communication types it is surprising what can be discovered.

Here’s an example of what I mean:

V-Type: “Why can’t you see what I’m talking about?”

A-Type: “Just listen to what I’m saying!”

K-Type: “I feel like you don’t get me.”

D-Type: “Why can’t you understand?”

All four mean the same thing, but all are spoken in the most basic of representational communications. By breaking down how a person is speaking we can begin the process of breaking through the haze of confusion.

By remembering that not every one communicates in the same way, we can begin to realize the obstacles and the opportunities available to us when speaking with others – especially those we care about.

Many times when a couple come in, trying to work through a dispute I find that communication types are often the issue. A V-Type might want a place to look better, while a K-Type will want the place to feel cozy and fill the home with comfy, but ugly, furniture. An A-type will want to talk something through, while a D-Type will try to sort through things in their own mind first to make sure they have their thoughts in order and that their argument will make sense.

Frustration will often settle in, and the couple will see no way out. They feel there is no understanding and no light to shed on their mutual path. Sometimes the communication breaks down to the point where a couple will argue on the same side of an argument and never realize it because of the difference in personal word choice. They will sense a circular logic, but not decipher the reason for it.

Communication, mutual understanding and observation is key in any relationship, be it personal or business-like. One must be willing to change their own wordings in things – a small sacrifice to make for understanding and peace.

So, next time your husband or wife looks at you and says “Why don’t you feel the same way?” ask them to help you to understand. “Help me to grasp what you mean.” The shift will not be missed.

Find out what type of communicator you are working with and work with them. Help them to understand, and teach them the same respect for language so that in the future there can be a middle ground through which real understanding can be achieved. Develop a love for your partner’s language, and you will develop a deeper love for them in the process.

“Grief is perhaps an unknown territory for you. You might feel both helpless and hopeless without a sense of a “map” for the journey. Confusion is the hallmark of a transition. To rebuild both your inner and outer world is a major project.” – Anne Grant

In life we life in a precarious balance with our world – we move through it, live within it, and embrace the best and the worst. There is great joy in life, along with great sorrow, and both give us strength at their different prices.

We all have experienced loss at one time or another: the loss of a beloved object, the loss of innocence and the loss of a lost one. Robert Frost reminds us that nothing gold can stay, but once that golden light in your life fades, what then?

Out of everything we can lose, it is the people around that that matter the most. They are the ones who give us memories, bring us the gift of laughter and provide us with comfort in our darkest hours. Whether through break-ups, or moving, or death, people will leave us at some point in our lives, and we must accept their passing.

The first time I remember experiencing the death of a loved one was my uncle, who was lost to cancer, but as a child I never fully felt the impact of his loss. I went straight into anger at the cancer, but then skipped to acceptance after my mother allowed us to visit his graveside.

The first time I experienced true grief was when my grandmother died.

My grandmother was a wonderful, beautiful and strong woman who had raised five children and a beautiful garden filled with memories. Our family sat at her bedside as she faded away, and when finally the news came, it didn’t feel real.

They say that there are five stages of grief – a concept proposed by Kubler-Ross in their book Death and Dying. Denial is the first step: one in which the news isn’t yet real – we experience a disassociation, sometimes a coldness or a numb sensation that spreads through our being – sapping us of cognitive function and energy.

In many cases people will describe this disconnection as the feeling that “it wasn’t happening to them”. This is because the mind is using a defense mechanism in order to allow you to deal with the necessary steps. It is a form of shock, and can last for weeks if untreated. Shock affects your health, your diet and your thoughts. Moving past this state is very important to the healing process.

In the case of traumatic loss such as that of innocence this can go a step further, causing the person to feel that the event happened to someone else. Rape victims will often experience this same sensation, or people in accidents. It is a natural part of the human function. It protects from emotional overload, and allows your mind to shift through the minute details of how to proceed.

This denial is only temporary – eventually we must return to reality – no matter how painful the moment. After its passing you may find the world coming into a sharp relief; one in which you notice more details, the people around you and the things in your possession.

“Grief is the price we pay for love.” – HRM Queen Elizabeth II

This is when the hurt sets in – the pain and anger, the guilt and the envy. This is where self-destruction, self-deprecation and hate can settle in. It is also where some of the most healing can be done.

People in wars or accidents might ask themselves why it couldn’t have been them instead – or they rally a cry against a disease, or a person, or themselves. They blame doctors, engineering or God himself and set themselves into a state in which there must be blame set upon something so that their loss has a meaning, or a target which they can act against.

In a broken relationship blame can be set upon their loved one, or against those they later seek out for companionship. Envy can settle in, and anger can twist you inside out. Though we might rally against these things, encountering and creating new hates that are better off healed then allowed to flourish.

Some people turn to drugs, alcohol or things to distract their mind from the intense feelings they are having. Though this may seem easier than experiencing these intense feelings, it must be avoided. Feelings of remorse, envy and hate are misplaced and amplified in this state. Do not hide it, avoid it or escape from it.

The only way to properly move out of this stage of grief is to experience them – examine them logically – and look over the things that mattered in your time together. Find the joy and do not give in to the chaos.

When my grandmother died, I experienced this as a feeling of remorse – I lamented the time not spent with her, and the things I hadn’t said to her. I re-experienced ever feeling of guilt I had ever encountered in her presence and sank into a deeper sadness.

Some people move into a state where they may begin to attempt to bargain with greater powers to return their loved ones, or to post-pone their own fates. This can help to leech the anger away, but soon leads into a sense of depression. It is in this state that someone will lose their faith – and sometimes find it anew.

Nostalgia and a sad reflection normally follows these stages -one which people will often attempt to approach you and offer help. This may be replaced by a feeling of emptiness similar to the emotional shock, but this time you associate with the feelings. During this time the sadness is transformed into a feeling as intense as the anger, and it was in this place that I found myself after my grandmother’s death.

Led there by remorse, anger and disappointment this stage is as important as the last. This is where the real mental and emotional healing begins. When you enter into the darkest hour, away from the passionate fires of anger, it is important to remember to keep walking.

It is a path followed alone – even if there are people around you. It is where you begin to process the grief. Some people isolate themselves, but it is here where you must begin to remember the lives of those who you have lost, and your own happiness with them. The pain in this stage is an acute throb, but as you experience it, the pain begins to fade away.

You begin to reconstruct your emotions, leading from joy and celebration instead of sorrow. You begin to seek closure, and finally an acceptance of the forces at work in your life. This is when we come to the point where you know that everything will be okay, and that  It may come slowly or all at once – but the pain does pass, and life moves on for you.

“I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge. That myth is more potent than history. That dreams are more powerful than facts. That hope always triumphs over experience. That laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death.” – Robert Fulghum

The Mexican festival of the dead celebrates this point – in which the dead are remembered for their lives and the impacts that they make and death is accepted as a part of life.

In break-ups this is the point where you take a deep breath and realize that you can love again and in trauma its where you come to accept that you cannot change the past, but that you still have control over your destiny.

Coming to this point myself was like having a dark veil lifted and suddenly it was as though I saw our time together as lessons of joy and love. I began to share my lessons with others, and through this found healing and the ability to accept her time in my life and her passing.

Moving through the darkest hour can be difficult, but the most important thing to remember is that tomorrow is another day, and that there is still joy to be found in the world.

Having appreciation for oneself is an important step in changing your life and habits. By having respect for your body, your ideas and your personal morals you open a new path to true self-discovery.

Many people are fearful of allowing themselves anything: they allow self made duties to get in the way, or they tell themselves that they aren’t worth much for one reason or another. There are two types of self appreciation: There is the  type where you take stock of your personal worth through skills, life victories and gifts. Then there is the type where you show yourself some appreciation though actions and verbal affirmation.

Personal Worth

One of the biggest issues that people have in this world is accessing their personal worth. Many people feel poorly about their own worth – not in wealth, but in emotional, physical, mental and spiritual well being. What needs to be realized is that you, as a human being, are worth so much…you simply need to realize it.

In previous articles we have spoken about taking a stock and making a list of your strengths and of your victories. This is the first step to personal appreciation. To add to this, you must also look at the things you have to be thankful in your life. Everything has something to be thankful for.

In doing this you reveal things about yourself, and about the resources you have available to you. Think of this like a personal resume: you are putting down a list of your life experiences, the things you have learned, the skills you have gained and the references – or proof of these things – in everything you have to be thankful for: whether it’s your health or a roof, or those around you who you love. All of these things  build up the resume of your life and make you able to face the world that is before you.

Being able to appraise your life in this manner helps to build a confidence in yourself and your abilities. Doing this can drastically change your life.

So…what do you do when you have proof of your self worth?

Methods of Self-Appreciation

When it comes to showing one’s self respect and awarding one’s self, many people feel uncomfortable or selfish. Most of the time we believe that others must come first, but sometimes you need to put yourself first. The importance is allowing a balance to occur between self aide and others. You cannot always do one or the other – both are important in a positive, healthy atmosphere.

By becoming self-deprecating and never allowing yourself any fun, or treats or even just a moment to yourself you begin to deny yourself the things you need. However, you achieve similar issues by never allowing people to go first. When you begin to do it all of the time then selfishness begins – you’ll push people away or cause them to self depreciate themselves. Always build priorities and take situations into account. The balance is important, and leaning one way or another too much can hurt both parties.

There is a three-fold part to this process, but all are important in building yourself up:

Stand Up for Yourself

You need to be willing to stand up for yourself.  You need to be willing to say ‘No’ to things – whether its to someone who you won’t stand up to, or its to someone assuming that you will do a task that you don’t want to do. You are allowed to say No to people. You don’t have to be superman or wonder woman – you cannot be expected to always be the one to do something. You must be willing to speak up for yourself.

Many people experience fear when it comes to standing up to say no, or speaking their minds, but the point is not to let the fear overwhelm. Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the strength to do something anyway. By asserting yourself you gain personal power in your world. You allow people to note your presence and strengths.

The balance in standing up for yourself is to know when to speak, and when to remain silent. It is in knowing where aggression begins and how far to push something. If you never speak up, you can never be heard – just like if you never take a step, you’ll never go anywhere.

Take Time for your Mind, Body and Soul

Take time for yourself. Whether this means to take a jog around the block, or sit down with some music, you NEED at least ten minutes a day for yourself, and sometimes – every now and then – a day all to yourself.

Engage your brain in some manner, and take the time to step away from the world itself. Create “me” time – schedule it in if you have to! It is so important to do this. Stress and constant, consistent activity can be harmful to your body and mind.

There is truth in the quiet moments when you are allowed to simply be. No masks,  no barriers and just the ability to have appreciation for the world and your own, unique and wonderful self. Taking the time to re-energize and renew your spirit allows you to take control in your life.

Find Out What You Want

Having a positive plan for the things you want is important to understanding yourself. It also allows you to create goals and plans for your future.

Here’s a list of things to ask yourself:

1.  “I wish…”

2. “I want…”

3. “I need…”

4. “I have to…”

5. “I must…”

6. “I should…”

7. “I will…”

8. “I’m going to…”

9. “I am doing…”

10. “I am…”

Personal reflection upon things that we are doing in our lives and that need to be done can help us look forward into building our goals and our futures. Always ask yourself what can I do, and work from there

Always use positives and never the things you DON’T want. By focusing on the positive things we want to have in our lives we help to find those things by opening up our eyes to the things around us.

By encompassing these three important things into your life, you help to teach yourself appreciation for who you are as a human being capable of changing your world.

Resolve to succeed.

Welcome to the last step in your journey. It’s been exactly a month since you started this journey into self-discovery, and here we are at one of the final steps required to change your life. These last 31 days have been filled with opportunities and reminders to create and observe new ways for you to live.

Remember that growth takes time, but by laying your roots and reaching for the sky you have started, and now that we are here, at the true beginning you must make the resolution to succeed. There are many people who are unconsciously afraid to truly be free, and to really succeed because doing so creates such amazing changes in their lives that they no longer recognize the person they want to be. Today, I am telling you to release that fear, and replace it with the amazing new energies that you are now receiving in your life. Allow that to be your new guide.

When you make the resolution to succeed, you are promising to yourself to make a change. You are allowing yourself the opportunities that present themselves and becoming aware of coincidences that are guiding you. When you look for the road signs on the highway of life, they’re always there for you to follow.

Live passionately, dare to dream, build yourself up in every way, keep an open mind, expect your personal best and allow yourself to exceed it, expect the unexpected, and go with the flow when it occurs. Find joy, happiness and strengths in yourself and in others while sharing curiosity and wonder with the world. Challenge yourself, remember your victories and remember that no matter what, you have amazing strengths to carry you through. Give, forgive, listen and love and you  can make the difference in this world. Ask questions, take risks and always remember that you deserve to reach your goals and realize your dreams.

“One secret of success in life is for a man to be ready for his opportunity when it comes.” – Benjamin Disraeli

Preparing for success and allowing your mind to picture what it is to you is one of the most important pieces of achieving it. Up until now we’ve focused on the obstacles, and how to remove them, but once that is done, you need to know how you will know that you have succeeded. It might sound like a silly question, but the fact is that most people see success as something more abstract than concrete. Thus, creating, in your mind, what you will like once you have found true success, is important – otherwise, how will you know when you finally get there?

Everyone has a different idea of what success is. For some, it’s money and their ideal job. For others, its travel or self confidence. For others it simply the ability to be alive and in relative comfort. For others its about helping other people to the best of their abilities. Success is an unlimited spectrum that is open to many varied interpretations, and your personal success cannot be compared to another’s. What you want out of life is a personal thing, and only you have the right to set that bar.

“Success is dependent on effort.” – Sophocles

Now that you have the tools to succeed, the most important part is using them. Merely having a tool box won’t build a house, you need to take the tools out and do the work. It is this effort, with the right vision and the right tools that will help you along. Making the effort to succeed is important, and without it, you have nothing. The world might come to you, but the only sure fire way to meet it is to go to it. The mountain peak doesn’t come to the climber who doesn’t climb, and success won’t come without you taking the steps.So, with that said, take hold of your tools with a firm hand, a resolved mind and an excitement in your spirit. Take your map of where success is in your life. Make sure you have a list of all your strengths and mental provisions, and remember that your sherpa is the world that is around you. It will guide you, as long as you are willing to use your senses to discover what it’s telling you. Your unconscious has the power to make the choices – but you need to listen.

That door is in front of you, and the path is there, waiting for your foot to be upon it. All you need to do now, is take the first step.

Resolve to ask questions this year.

Congratulations! You have made it to Day 30 of this new year of your life, and the penultimate resolution to help change your world. We spoke about eighteen days ago about having a curiosity in your life, and the ability to ask questions of the people around you, but today- now that we have a better understanding of ourselves- we’re going to delve further into this important topic.

You must be willing to ask questions not only of others, but also of yourself. A self reflection untainted by the negative aspects of your life is an important thing to do from time to time. You must be willing to take stock of your goals, strengths and dreams every now and then, because as you change and evolve in your new environment, so will your wants and desires.

Periodically stopping to take this assessment of yourself will help you onwards to a new future, better suited to you.

In a similar manner, you must be willing to stop and ask questions of others to be sure that what you are doing, and the things you are taking the time to achieve really do line up with what you want. By asking for more information, and fleshing out your knowledge base you allow yourself the chance to see the bigger picture in more detail than you could ever hope to discover on your own.

By asking questions you are showing your ability to understand, co-operate and even to lead, for those who ask questions have the potential for leadership more than those who never bother to ask ‘why’ or ‘how’.

Always ask ‘who am I working with’, ‘why am I doing this’, ‘what do I hope to achieve’, ‘where am I going?’ and ‘how can I go about improving?’ By asking yourself these questions, you can take stock of your situation and path.

By asking these questions of others you share the ability to move forward. By always asking ‘why, how, what, where and who’ you act as a personal detective to find what you need and want from life and the world.

“I’m always looking, and I’m always asking questions.” – Anne Rice

By asking we actively observe the world and truly learn from it in all its varied aspects. Instead of assuming, we find out. By asking of ourselves, we begin the path to self discovery and help it along.

So, no matter what, resolve to ask questions, and to always keep learning from year to year. For only by asking questions do we get answers. Only then can you dare to succeed.

Resolve to take a risk this year.

Taking a risk isn’t necessarily about doing something foolish, or extreme. Taking risks is sometimes more about stepping out of your comfort zone and taking down the wall that holds you back. Without daring to take a calculated risk, you can never hope to do the truly daring.

So, with that said, what do I mean by a ‘calculated risk’? A calculated risk is one where you lay out the options you have, the means you have and the margin for potential loss or failure. There is ALWAYS a potential for loss or failure, otherwise it wouldn’t be a risk, but with a calculated risk you change your odds, and tip them in your favor.

“Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.” – T.S. Eliot

This entire month we have spoken about loss, and success, failure and victory, but the more that we learn about it, the more that we come to realize that these things are two sides of the same silver coin of opportunity. Without taking the chance for success, we can never achieve it, and as soon as you realize it, you can truly begin.

Today the focus upon risk asks what you are willing to risk to achieve your dreams? Are you willing to sacrifice the familiarity we have spoken about in other chapters? Are you willing to sacrifice fear and the barriers you have erected over the years? Are you willing to sacrifice your chains, which hold you back, and your mistakes to build a new future?

Are you willing to make a new life for yourself with the tools that we have been building over the course of this month as we head to the penultimate chapters in this series? If the answer is yes, then you are more than ready, you are on your way.

Risk means the chance of losing something, but sometimes there are things we want to leave behind. There are people we want eliminated from our lives for their negative influences, and there are situations we must be willing to turn away from to forge an escape. These are the things that must be sacrificed in order to move on, and in sacrificing them from our lives, we free ourselves to engage our personal energies in our own endeavors.

You must sacrifice doubt, fear, hate, angst and those that bring it to move forward. Remember: as within, so without, but it works the other way around. When you surround yourself with negative influences, it infects your entire world.

“Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.” – e.e. cummings

By believing in ourselves we become more, and open ourselves up. When you do this – when you allow these positive influences into your life – life begins to change, and grow, and reveals itself as a journey of joy and wonder.

By risking the past, you gain the future. It’s as simple as that. Without risk, there is simply no reward.

This year, I want you to take a risk that will build your new world. I dare you to remove the negative aspects from your life, and to build the good ones. I dare you to allow yourself to grow, and advance and expand so you can realize that every risk leads to a new beginning.

Resolve to make a difference this year.

Chances are, whether or not you realize it, you are already doing this. The real question is what kind of difference are you currently making in your life?

If you’re a parent, your every action is affecting that of your child in some manner. If you work in any environment where you are interacting with people, even fellow workers, then you are affecting them somehow. No matter what you do, as long as you are around people or things, you are changing the world with little ripples that will spread out.

“Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.” – Winston Churchill

The biggest difference that you can make in your world is to choose an attitude through which you can make the most positive impact. By showing patience, listening and just enough curiosity you can make a difference in the lives of people, starting with yourself.

What difference do you want to make in your world? No matter what it is, you’ll have to start with yourself. Take a moment to reflect upon the things you have done, just today? What ripples have you made around you? What differences did you make, however small?

Did you get coffee this morning from a restaurant or drive through? Did you smile, or frown at the person who served you? You might have set the pace for the rest of their day.

If you have children, or roommates, or parents who live with you or visa versa, how did you greet them this morning? What have you done in your interactions with them? You have made an impact in some way to their day. What you say and do is important.

You must be willing to make a big splash which sends big ripples out into the world. This ties into this week’s themes of change. By doing something new you change your life, in meeting new people you are expanding your sphere of influence, and by daring to express yourself you have allowed your voice to be heard in the echoes of the future, and all of these things help you to make a difference.

“Be the change that you want to see in the world.” – Mohandas Gandhi

Making a difference in a single life can be the proudest moment you can achieve. Growing up I was able to see the changes that could be made: my mother worked in a Palliative Care unit in the local health center, and every day she worked with the families through grieving and celebration. Simply by daring to care, and help and sympathize with the patients and their families she made the difference that they needed to move on.

One important part of doing this is to treat everyone else like the human beings that they are. We have talked about this through the Golden Rule a few times. It is found in every major culture, religion and belief system: treat others the way that you want to be treated. But another part of this is to take the time to do this.

Many people are too timid to speak up for what they believe is right, or to say something they feel is important, but the ones who make a positive difference lets their voice be heard. One word, one action, one smile can change the world in ways you could never imagine.

One rippled leads to another, which leads to another, which shakes up the entire flow of life and leads us on to better, greater things. Be aware of what ripples you are making upon the ocean of life, and put out positive energy to power their impact upon others. Be the difference, and make it happen.

Resolve to express yourself.

We have talked a lot over the last 27 about using your skills to expand yourself, and today I want to focus in entirely upon your creative ability to express yourself.

Many people believe that they are not creative, but this just isn’t true. Everyone is creative in some way or another: whether its artistically, through problem solving or just in having a good eye for putting things together.

Some people write to express themselves, using  journals, stories or blog spots to share their views or visions with the world. Others paint masterpieces, or simply little things to put on the fridge for motivation. My mother would put little quotes of inspiration in our lunch boxes, or notes telling us how important my brother and I were to her. This was one way she expressed her love to us, though we didn’t have a lot of money.

Some people will express themselves through sports, or through drama, or through conversation. In music, in mathematics, through study and travel; All of these things are, believe it or not, methods to express their inner feelings, stories or emotions. All are mediums use to help with understanding in ourselves or the universe. However you need to express yourself, don’t be afraid to do it!

In the western world we are blessed with the Right to the Freedom of speech, and that right includes various methods of expression from the written and spoken word, to art and music.

“Self-expression must pass into communication for its fulfillment.” – Pearl S. Buck

There is no shame to expressing yourself, and is one more way that you can grow, heal and find joy. When you begin to express yourself, you channel energy and emotion into the process, meaning that repression of yourself ceases. You are freed to feel your emotions, say what you need to say, and see all that you can do.

Holding oneself back is one of the greatest disservices that a person can do.

This year, resolve to find something through which to express yourself, and dedicate at least one hour a week, if not a day, to fulfilling it. If words speak to you, write. If you can feel the need to put it into images, then paint, or draw or photograph something that speaks to you. If you can hear it, put a beat and lyrics to it. Write music, write words, paint pictures, sew, speak. It s so important to find how to express yourself, for it puts you in new control of yourself in ways that open the world to you.

The importance is not the reaction: it’s in the sharing, and in the immortality of the moment, in which you leave something behind for future generations to appreciate: remember, many great minds never live to see the appreciation, but the fact that they expresses themselves in the first place is what made it all worthwhile.

A true writer writes for the words, and a true painter paints for the picture. Expression needs to start in you and make it to the medium. It is for you, and for you alone to choose. So pick up a new hobby, and learn to use it to your advantage. You owe it to yourself to create something new in your life. The world is your canvas, and you are the painter of your destiny.

Resolve to meet new people this year.

How often have I heard people say that they have a hard time meeting new people? Generally I ask them how it’s possible, and 85% of the time the answer I receive is that they never go anywhere. “Then you’re not having a hard time meeting people, they’re having problems finding you because you keep hiding.”

Never be afraid to meet new people: the connections we make with people are so important to changing our worlds, and despite the various excuses I’ve heard over the years, it’s never harder then smiling and saying “Hi.”

People delight in meeting others, especially those who open new realms of possibility to them. Some people use the excuse that they have nothing to offer others, and I ask them if they are in the habit of making choices for others.

The fact is that you never know what someone else needs, and sometimes it is something, however small, you have to offer: whether it’s a business opportunity, a smiling face or a friendship to last a lifetime.

Growing up I had the chance to hear a beautiful parable told by the Mi’kmaq of Nova Scotia that talks about this need that people have for one another. I was told that above, through a tree in the forest may seem to stand alone, proud and tall, reaching for the sky above, it is beneath, in the roots that we see the truth: for under the ground the entire forest of roots are inter-tangled, and the only reason that the forest can stand together is because they are all holding hands.

In most business courses they will tell you that making the connection is important, and this is true. Social networking has become a multifaceted tool that now leads us into a realm where it is both easier and harder to meet people who share interests with us. In some ways it has become a crutch.

When I say meet someone new, I mean to step away from the computer, and into the real world where there are billions of lives waiting to experience your affect in their lives. Make conversation with a complete stranger – I have done this before and come away with friends who I talk to almost daily – or ask a question of someone who is ‘in the business’ of your choice.

“All human beings have an innate need to hear and tell stories and to have a story to live by.” – Harvey Cox

There is a wonderful thing that happens once communication is established, and you show rapport in your body language: people will begin to open up. Now, this isn’t universal, in some cases there are reasons a person has to hurry away, but don’t let this discourage you. If they politely excuse themselves, let them go.

But, you will also be surprised at how little this will happen. People love meeting each other, and being approached by ‘someone’ can add a thrill to their day.

This resolution is also a dare: to find someone new to talk with at least once a month throughout this year. Strike up a conversation that has more to do with just the weather. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, and always walk with your head held high: just remember, you have something to offer to someone, somewhere…now you just need to find them.

Resolve to grow as a person.

Yesterday we talked about trying new things to expand your world, but today I’d like to focus on allowing yourself to grow in more than just your skills or your possessions.

“You’re not your job. You’re not how much money you have in the bank. You’re not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet.” – Chuck Palahniuk

I once had a person come in who was so afraid to change that it was affecting his very life: he was afraid for a chance to gain a promotion from his work, and to move into a better and yet cheaper place to live, and needed to be freed from this chain that had weighed him down to the point he was paralyzed in his current lifestyle, even though he was being offered positive change.

I explained to him that what he needed to do then was to grow instead of change. “You want to do the best you can, and have the best you can, don’t you?” I asked him.

“Of course I do!” he replied adamantly. He then went on to explain how much he really wanted everything that he had just told me he was afraid to have. “I just don’t like change,” he said finally after going through the list a second time now, aware of the contradiction he had just presented me.

“Then, instead of changing, grow,” I told him, “An acorn becomes an oak, but it’s always the acorn. It just becomes something more than how it started. I’m not asking you to be an acorn that becomes a pine, I’m asking you to use what you have, what you have gained and become more than you are now. Your desire, and the world, agrees, so why should that mean that you need to change. It’s because of who you are that they want you.”

Change will always happen irregardless of if we do anything or not.  By growing you choose new ways to move through the world around you, and if change does happen, at least you are more prepared to meet it.

The oak tree can stand against the storm that the acorn drowns in, and it becomes useful to the world around it: providing homes, food and oxygen for the rest to thrive off of. If you grow, like the oak you will have more to offer to the world, while also seeing more of it as you grow.

Wonder must lead us, along with curiosity and courage. That is why this year you must resolve to grow, by allowing yourself to have an open mind, open eyes and an openness to learn from all that is offered to you along the way.

Resolve to do something new this year.

Doing something new can mean a lot of things to a lot of people. Sometimes it means doing something new in your life, or doing something the world has never seen before. Both interpretations can help you to change your world.

New You

By allowing yourself to try new things; whether its a new food, a new hobby or a new adventure, you allow you to become something more; to expand your abilities and realize new aspects of your potential. Many people go their entire lives without trying anything new: they stick to what they feel works, and so never allow change to enter into their lives.

Dr. Virginia Satir once said that the instinct of survival was not stronger than the instinct to keep things the same. We are creatures of habit who are comfortable in the environments we build around ourselves. History has shown us that people will die to defend our homes, become martyred for their faiths, and kill themselves over unrequited love.

Yet, though most strive to maintain what they have, others work to change and advance the world – expanding our understandings, and trying things that no one has ever accomplished before. This march of progression has led to some of our greatest inventions and conveniences, while also sparking some of the darkest moments. Sometimes to try something new means to make the sacrifice of familiarity in order for the chance to find something wonderful.

Just remember: The instinct to remain the same brought the Dark Ages, while the drive to improve and expand brought the Renaissance.  Though we are talking about spans of society, this applies to your life as well. By remaining the same: unbending and unable to leave your box, you risk living in the dark. Some are too afraid to even make windows and a door to see what lies outside of their own lives, and their own habitat.

“To raise new questions, new possibilities, to regard old problems from a new angle, requires creative imagination and marks real advance in science.” – Albert Einstein

According to Time Magazine, one of the most common deathbed regrets is that someone, in their lifetime, had not allowed themselves to try more new things. Why live in the dark, inside your box when you can cut windows to see what the world has to offer you? Then you might be able to make a plan to what you want to see, or do, or hear someday.

Many people stop here, always wanting, but never able to leave their box. They’ve let in the light, seen that it exists, but are afraid to leave the shade of their box.

That’s when you need to cut a door into your box, so you can not only step out into the world, but also let the world in. By walking out into it, you have the chance to explore.

Remember what the last key of excellence was? It was to Take Action Now. Only by taking action can you ever hope to make changes in your life, and only by opening up your world can you ever hope to find out how far you can go, and how much you can do.

So resolve to do something new this year: it doesn’t have to be something big, just something new, and something that you’ve always wanted to do: because all we really have is here and now

Resolve to let yourself heal this year.

Healing doesn’t just apply to the body: it applies to our minds, our emotions and our spirits as well. When the body is hurt it tends to itself, producing pain killers while our immune system kicks in to help. Sometimes we need outside help in order to heal our bodies through the form of doctors and sometimes medicines. People  rarely fight the process of physical healing, but when it comes to healing the rest they become cautious.

Sometimes, just as we need outside aide to heal the body, we must seek outside aide to heal our minds, emotions and spirits. This doesn’t always mean psychotherapists or psychologists – sometimes we can see help in the form of friends, confidantes, family and coaches, but first we must be willing to ask for the aide.

Unlike the wounds of the body, the wounds of the heart and the mind are often invisible. Someone who is trained to notice may see the hurt sprawled across someone’s face or in their habits, but until the person comes out and seeks aide it is all speculation and dangerous assumption.

“Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it.” – Tori Amos

The invisible wounds created by our lives can have a million reasons for being what they are, but irregardless of their origin, you have the ability to heal. Of that you must be certain, for the fact that you live shows that you have the strength. We have said this before, but the truth of it is paramount to understanding your resilience as a human being.

You must first give yourself permission to heal. You must allow yourself to realize that being wounded and hurt doesn’t define you. You must realize that your past does not make you who you are: your choices do. You have the ability to chose your attitude towards everything, and that includes your attitude about your past. If you decide to be strong and to overcome, you have taken the first true step to healing.

Our lives are not about the past – nor even the future – they are about what we do right here, right now.  It is about learning the lessons we need, and about building towards the future, but no matter what now is all we really have. So in this moment you can choose to begin building a healing environment.

So, with that said, how do you heal?

Healing can be hard, but it can also be easy. First off you must be willing to forgive others and yourself. In Resolution #21 we spoke of this in depth. This forgiveness is one of the first steps.

The next is love. You need to find things about yourself to love, and you need to share love with others. Having self-respect, and self confidence with a knowledge of your victories, you strengths and your desires are all a part of this step. It is all part of building yourself up to love and to share.

Once you have that forgiveness and love you have a foundation upon which to build.

Healing takes time, and is about building up new, positive habits. Some people turn to meditation, others to the arts, while still more turn to learning. All of these are things that help to not only build new, positive habits that allow for a peace of mind, but they also give a conduit to channel the pain out of you.

There is healing to be found in nature, in creative endeavors and in doing something new and wonderful. Allow yourself to find your channel, and use it as a personal therapy. It is different for every one, and no one can truly tell you where to direct yourself, but once you do the tumult of life begins to still and life begins to take on a new focus.

So far all of our resolutions have built up to this point where healing – true healing – can begin to take place. By resolving to allow yourself to heal this year you are taking the first and best step towards a new future in which nothing can hold you back, and in which you will be strong, confident and able to become whatever it is you dream of becoming.

Your life begins now.

Resolve to listen this year.

Listening can mean several things. Listening to those around you, observing your environment and listening to your heart are all important things that need to be done in order for happiness to occur. When you listen – when you really listen – things in your life take on new dimensions, and doors become unlocked.

Listen to Others

“I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.” – Ernest Hemingway

When you take the time to listen to people, communication truly starts, for sometimes it is what we do not say that matters, and sometimes all a person needs is to have an ear to hear their words. When you listen, you learn. Learning to objectively listen to people is one of the most important aspects of NLP, because through a person’s body language, chosen words and eye movements you can see and hear much of what is and what isn’t being said. Usually, in the run of a normal conversation, a person gives you everything that you need in order to communicate with them.

One important point in listening and communication however is to never make assumptions. Assumptions or, as we call them in NLP ‘mind reads’, are one of the most dangerous things one can encounter during communication.

“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” – Winston Churchill

By not assuming that we know a person’s life, intentions or inner thoughts we allow for wholesale communication to occur: this is communication without judgement, without interjection and without miscommunication. It is where we truly listen, asking for verification where it is needed, and listening to what a person is telling you with full interest and rapport.

By doing this we negate self sabotage in communication and allow for true connections to occur. Listening to others is paramount in order to achieve real communication.

Listen to Your Environment

Observing your environment is important, not only for survival, but also for understanding. When I say to listen, what I mean is to use all of your senses with precision.

Instead of moving through the world at a quickened pace, observing only what seems to matter take it all in. Our minds are constantly deleting information from our environment, and until we focus ourselves on observing we miss things everyday.

Have you ever learned a new word, and suddenly you hear the same word everywhere? The world hasn’t suddenly started using the word, your mind has simply stopped deleting it. This phenomenon is called a scotoma, and we all have them.  In order to overcome this we must observe our world and apply meaning to as much as possible.

The fact is that the average mind can only focus on 5-9 things at a time, and so it is that it tends to focus on the same 5-9 things constantly in the run of a day. Let’s say you are taking a walk through your neighborhood: Your brain is registering the temperature, the terrain – even if it is familiar, the people that you meet, the weather, and generally itself. This is true, especially if you often take the walk along the same path or streets. You brain might register slightly more, but the average walker only notes minor changes in their environment. Houses – unless they have certain meanings- often are overlooked by the conscious mind becoming merely ‘background’.

By observing the world and listening to it we are able to overcome this generalization of people, places and things.This is where you will begin to find unexpected and surprising things about your environment. When I go for a walk I like to look for ‘one new thing I never noticed before’. Sometimes it’s as simple as a new flower in a flowerbed, or as complicated to the way a house is shingled. Its amazing how often I’ll say to myself ‘I’ve never seen that before’, and then realize that I’ve been looking at numerous examples every single day without realizing it.

What we miss in our world is absolutely incredible, but when we begin to observe it opens its secrets up to us.

Listen to Your Heart

“Let me listen to me and not to them.” – Gertrude Stein

Listening to your heart is as important as listening to others: often times it is your unconscious mind trying to tell you something. It has been called instinct, listening to your gut, and intuition, but the fact is that your mind is constantly making connections in the world without your full knowledge. We all work on a highly unconscious level, and sometimes we let the conscious mind – the one that pays attention to only 5-9 things at a time – take the lead.

Its as though we are listening to the village idiot over the well informed man, and we do it all the time. We let apparent facts and figures get in the way, or we let the savvy salesman talk us into buying something that we didn’t really want. Our guts and hearts said no, but our head said ‘That sounds good though.’

When in doubt, go with your gut. Chances are that your unconscious mind has seen some signal to indicate the direction best suited to you. Listening to your heart can sometimes lead you down a difficult road, and can sometimes lead you in odd directions, but the one place it will never steer you is in the wrong direction.

How many times have you told yourself “I knew I should have listened to my gut?” It is the one regret people have again and again, and its because they haven’t yet learned to follow their own quiet, inner voice that knows what it is doing. Remember, you always have all the resources you need, you must first be willing to spot them and use them though.

All in all by listening to people, your world and yourself, you will find that the world can be your oyster, and that your life can be the pearl that it deserves to be. Don’t you deserve that?

Then listen.

Resolve to forgive others and yourself.

How many times have you heard the phrase ‘forgive and forget‘? In western culture we are told to forgive the wrong doings that are done to us, and to turn the other cheek.  I think a better phrase would ‘forgive the things that are done to you, and don’t let them rule you’. I think that forgetting does experience a disservice, and that in forgetting we are allowing an unhealthy repression and not truly allowing our minds to deal with the hurt.

By forgiving, but not forgetting, we allow ourselves the ability to become stronger in our resolve about ourselves, and to come away with a better sense of self. By not allowing it to rule us, we gain power over our pain and realize the virtues that we have gained. It takes strength to do it, but survival is the greatest sign that we are strong enough to handle it: if we can survive the event, we can survive the memory.

“Forgiveness is a virtue of the brave.” – Indira Gandhi

By forgiving, we put positive energy into our world, and into our own lives. It can seem a hard thing to do, but it really does feel good to forgive others.

Forgiveness does not, however, mean that trust is re-established, nor that one allows the behavior or lifestyle to continue. Let’s take this to a serious note, because when talking about forgiveness it always comes up in seminars or classes: abuse.

Abuse

Forgiveness does not mean allowing emotional, verbal, sexual or physical abuse to continue. It means forging an understanding and allowing yourself to move on. There is also a difference between forgiving someone and receiving justice. There is also a difference between forgiving and escaping. IF YOU ARE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP END IT. THERE IS NO NEED FOR ABUSE. And it can happen to either gender. Abuse is not limited to women, as many people think: Men can and are victimized every day.

If you are in an abusive or toxic relationship, remove yourself from the situation. Every city, township and county has places you can go to and who will help you in the process of removing the influences from your life. These are safe havens who understand the courage it takes to pack up and leave your life behind to forge a new, positive future. In these cases, forgiving does not mean staying. It means understanding that it is not your fault, it is realizing that they are to blame, and it is allowing yourself to move on.

Sometimes, in such situations there is a family history of abuse: this is an explanation, but not an excuse. There is still choice in all actions, good and bad, and just as many people who are abused end up seeking help, overcoming it, or joining fields in which they prevent abuse instead of allowing it to continue from generation to generation. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR ABUSE. NEVER.

When it comes to forgiving abuse you are not forgetting it: you are taking lessons from it, but you are choosing to give it absolutely no power in your life. You are allowing yourself to realize that YOU have the ability to make good change in your life.

Forgiving Yourself

Forgiving yourself of past actions and failures is just as important as forgiving others. When you do forgive you build resentment, guilt, anger and loathing. When we direct these particular feelings inwards towards ourselves we do ourselves a great disservice and a good amount of mental and even physical harm.

“Forgiveness is the key to action and freedom.” – Hannah Arendt

The mind and body affect each other, and when we direct negative thoughts inwards, we allow the mind to have a negative effect on the body. Those suffering from guilt and other similar emotions often find that they will start having stress. This stress, in turn, transforms into a multitude of health issues: headaches, digestive issues, weight gain, extreme weight loss, and more. Some people even gain serious issues such as asthma, diabetes and fibromyalgia.

The connection is an amazing thing that must be respected, and in order to do that, we must respect ourselves. Part of this is forgiving yourself, and admitting that you are human. To err is human, and with every mistake we make we are given a choice to accept defeat, or to rise above.

With every experience we have, and every word we say, we are changing and affecting the world around us. When things go wrong, we need to be able to say to ourselves ‘It’s okay. I know what I did, but there’s still a future to consider.‘ We cannot be stopped by our mistakes, instead we must forgive ourselves, and learn from those mistakes so we can move on.

So, this year, instead of holding on to pain, guilt and anger, forgive so that this year can be one of amazing potential and joy.

Resolve to find joy in every day.

“We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.” – Buddha

Earlier we spoke about finding something good in every single person, and today, in a similar manner, I would like to talk about finding something good in every day.

Every day that we are given is a new gift and a new chance to do something  with our lives, and every single day we are given reasons to find beauty and joy in some facet.

Finding joy every day is a way of looking for the silver lining in the clouds: it is a way in which we can realize that no matter how distressing, or how bad things seem to get, there is always joy waiting to be discovered somewhere, if only we are willing to look for it.

Growing up I experienced a lot of grief, not just in my own life, but through others. We had a cousin move in after my uncle died of cancer, I lost a grandmother, two grandfathers and a brother before I graduated from high school, and my mother worked in the palliative care unit in our local health center. Death was a familiar friend and foe growing up, and so I was able to not only see others grieve, but I myself experienced it.

In grieving, there is sometimes a difficulty in discovering joy. It was, for me, a very dark road. Some people, in such times, turn to religion for comfort, and others take the route to cling to memories. Others chose to celebrate life.

It was a concept that I had never experienced before the death of my second grandfather in High School: The funeral was normal in every regard, but the reception afterwards was a thing filled with joy, memories and shared pain. It was the most refreshing and healing moment I can remember, and I remember bing surrounded by the joy of that moment.

What happened was this: we all piled into my grandmother’s house, all carrying our various items for the traditional potluck, but instead of a sombre line of people whispering their condolences, half of the family pulled out instruments, lifted a glass to ‘George’ and fell into the music, celebrating the life he had lived over the day of his death. The celebration went on all night, and there were smiles along with every tear and there was laughter.

If we could celebrate life and the good times in it every day, even amidst tragedy, sadness and doubt, then life becomes something wonderful, something magical, and most certainly something unforgettable.

There is always something to celebrate, be it a small victory, a smile, or just something of beauty that you encountered, the joy is there. If you can find humor in a situation, the joy is there. It is anywhere you want to look for it.

“If my world were to cave in tomorrow, I would look back on all the pleasures, excitements and worthwhilenesses I have been lucky enough to have had. Not the sadness…but the joy of everything else. It will have been enough.” – Audrey Hepburn

Focus on the positive things in your life, and on the positive experiences over the bitter ones. Life is about living with joy over pain, and happiness over sorrow. With joy you can defeat the sorrow, just as light beats back the darkness. Let joy be the light that guides you, and let it lead you to the life that you want.

Find joy in every day, and every day will be a new reason to celebrate.

Resolve to compete with yourself this year.

Healthy competition helps towards achieving and raising your own personal bar higher, but competition happens in more than just sports and games, it also happens on a personal level in your life. By competing with yourself you allow yourself the chance to improve your game.

“The healthiest competition occurs when average people win by putting above average effort.” – Colin Powell

By putting an above average effort on things you strive to do better each and every time you start on a task. This is how you improve not only your skills, but also aspects of your life.

In personal competition there is no jealousy involved, no grudges to be had and no worry about dissolving relations. With personal competition there is only the drive to strive for more, and to improve your station and your drives. Personal competition can help you to meet your goals, and to set new, bigger goals that can help you to expand your life.

By giving it your all, acknowledging your victories, noting your strengths and competing with your own personal records you will find that you have gained the resources that you will need to achieve anything, but it can take time.

Just as a professional athlete doesn’t get good by sitting on the bench and watching, you actually need to get out and do the things that you want to do. No one sets a personal best by sitting on their butts. By getting out and doing the things you need to do to succeed, you improve. Practice makes perfect.

Just as the athlete needs to get into the game, you need to start getting into life. Just as they have to train their bodies, you have to train your mind.  This personal training and personal development will be the thing that pushes you forward.

Take a note of your personal bests: this could be time doing your daily routines, sales at work, maybe even pushing yourself in exercise. It could be anything! Take note of it, and strive to improve over time until you hit your peak. Not only will this allow you to make your tasks game-like, but it will help you to realize your own potential. Just remember: if you’ve done it once, you can do it again, maybe even better then ever before.

As with all competition, there can be frustration – yes, even when you are competing with yourself. Just remember that it is okay to be frustrated. When you encounter frustration, it’s your mind’s way of telling you to take a step back, take a deep breath and look at things from a different angle. The key is to not allow it to become anger. Anger is your worst enemy in competition. It defeats you every time you allow it to enter into the game.

Don’t let anger put you on the bench. Instead allow yourself to use your strengths to your advantage. Maybe you need to look at something with more creativity to get out of the box, maybe you need to create a team to allow you some efficiency, or maybe you just need to go about something in a more patient manner.

Whatever it is that you need to do, do it without anger, without fear and without negativity. Instead allow for a sense of fun, excitement and determination to take place of the more negative emotions. Let nothing, especially yourself, hold you back.  Draw your starting line, and get ready for the competition.

Ready, set and GO!

Resolve to give this year.

There is more to giving then material things. Giving can be a gift of comfort, or the gift of support, or even the gift of insight. What I want this year from you is for you to give of yourself to the people around you: this means in the home, in the workplace and in society.

Giving of yourself: of your strengths, of your time and of your energy is one of the greatest things that you can do this year, and in more to come. The more you give, the more you receive; it’s true!

Give it your all and nothing can hold you back!

“Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

There are too many people who think that in giving they must sacrifice, or that they’ll be taken advantage of, but part of giving is also giving to yourself. Give yourself the gift of time, of music or silence, and of peace. Give yourself the gift of a good time, or a personal day: trust me, you are worth it!

The key to it all, is to have a balance in giving to yourself, and giving to others. Never giving to yourself can be as bad as never giving to others. It gets you no where, and certainly doesn’t make you feel very good.

By daring to give you put an awesome energy out into the universe: one which elevates yourself, and which draws others to you. Sure, some of them are takers, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t give. Being aware of the people you surround yourself with is also important, because part of giving is also about giving to those who are deserving. This is why it is so important for you to give to yourself: especially the gift of a friend who actually cares, or a lover who gives as much as they take.

It all has to be in balance.

Life is all about give and take: giving of yourself to receive what others have to give. This concept is incredibly important in the home, in society and even at work. If you don’t give it your all at work then how can you expect to be good at it and achieve? If you don’t give it your all in life, how can you expect to move forward into success, and if you don’t give it your all at home, how can your house truly be a home?

You need to give it your all, all of the time, even when giving to yourself. Put your energy into creating your life, and the world you want to live in. You will quickly find that putting energy into things is worth your while.

“Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery, Today is a gift, that’s why its called the present.” – Unknown

Think about what you can offer the world today, and about what you want to receive. Do today what can be done today, and don’t worry about tomorrow. Live for the moment, and give: Today is all you have, and it is the only gift you can ever count on having, that is giving yourself and others time is such a great thing to start with, because it is that time in which true and wonderful memories can be created.

Do this, and you will find that the more you give to yourself and to the world, the more smiles you will receive, and the happier you will be.

Resolve to build upon your strengths.

So far this week we have been focusing upon self reflection of victories and strengths that you have gained from them, and today we’re going to take this concept one step further. Today I would like for you to make the resolution to build up the strengths that you wrote down yesterday.

“You can never have enough talent.” – Pat Riley

How, one might ask, can I build my strengths? The answer is simple: use them, practice them any chance you get and live them. Once you are aware of what your strengths are, building them up becomes an easier task.

Are you creative? Find your muse: write, draw, paint, create music…do anything, but do it every day. You improve by doing, and this isn’t just with strengths based around talents, or ability, this works with the more intangible strengths as well. The more you dare to love, the more love you will have. The more you dare to follow your values, the stronger they become, and the more chance you have to expand your world and mind.

We only become good at what we practice. When we practice, the actions we take become ingrained in our body memories, and eventually become second nature. I have experienced this first hand a few times, and it never ceases to amaze me.

When I was 12 I was given the chance to start into the Middle School band. I chose the flute (which, for some reason I had mixed up with the clarinet), and soon began my journey. The first time I tried, I got nothing out of the instrument, and subsequent attempts produced a pretty terrible windy squeal that no doubt shattered my parents’ peace for many months and years to come.

I would not be put off by this initial failure. I had seen great musicians play the most heart-breaking pieces, and I wanted to be like them. So I set myself into a pattern of practice, slowly learning the keys for various notes, learning how to breathe and how to hold my body. One hour a day I tried to settle down with my silver beauty and coax a proper sound out of it. Some days I didn’t get the time, and on others I wondered in despair how long it would take.

A little under a year later I finally did something that, sort of, sounded like music instead of noise. My hands were aching, my back was sore and I had dedicated days to learning this, but a small victory was better than none. My patience, dedication, and physical endurance had led me there, but above it all I had discovered a love for something that I soon learned I could be good at!

By the time I was 18 I had moved on to an Intermediate flute, and could even get sound out of a Professional quality instrument. More amazing my fingers and my brain had seemingly become disconnected, able to work independently of each other. I no longer had to think about what I was playing, my fingers seemed to find the keys all on their own. Body memory had taken over.

In NLP we call this transition moving from Conscious Competence to Unconscious Competence. It’s the moment when the brain begins to process things on a completely unconscious level, allowing the conscious mind to focus upon other things. The entire process starts at what is called Conscious Incompetence, in which we are consciously aware that we do not know something. It is in this stage that most people give up, but we all start there.

Moving from this into Conscious Competence is where the magic starts: it’s when we make the attempt to improve upon something, gaining a new skill and focusing our strengths to expand them into new dimensions. Unconscious Competence is when our talents truly blossom, and our strengths have prevailed.

Unconscious Competence is where the talent has become ingrained into our body memory. This is where things like riding a bike are stored, and no matter what, you won’t ever forget how to do it. For me, this realization didn’t come until I was 23.

After leaving school I found less time to practice, and soon my flute case was gathering dust in the corner. Finally, in a fit of nostalgia, I opened it back up, put the instrument together, and prepared myself for a sense of failure. To my surprise, though I no longer had the lung capacity, and though my poor hands ached to stretch out, my fingers remembered each and every single note.

Building your strengths with practice, forces them into the various stages of competence until finally they become second nature to us. Thought will allow them to manifest in whatever moment we chose, and they continue to expand and grow exponentially.

So build your strengths, and always be willing to discover new talents, skills and abilities that come when we apply those strengths. Only you set your own limits, and that means that, if you chose to be, you can be unstoppable.

Resolve to take note of your personal strengths.

After acknowledging your victories, it is important to also step back and take note of your strengths. Though your personal strengths spring from your personal victories, they are separate things that must be acknowledged separately from each other.

Like with victories, many people do not acknowledge all of their strengths, focusing instead upon their weaknesses. Having this sort of focus only creates a cycle of self deprecation that is as harmful to the psyche as it is to one’s chances of success. By chancing your focus to the strengths you have allows you to create new skills and capabilities that you might have otherwise overlooked.

“With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

Every day we utilize our various strengths in the world that we live in: the fact that we are, in fact living in the world is proof of this. We utilize patience, perseverance, wisdom, personal knowledge of various tasks, creativity, curiosity and so much more! All of these things are strengths in your character, and can be expanded to give you the ability to succeed.

Always focus on what you can do, rather than what you cannot do. Make that your mantra for the day: “What can I do?”

Strength is often mistaken as a physical force, or a mental one, but the truth is that your strengths reach into every aspect of your life. There are strengths that focus upon your abilities, ones that focus upon your knowledge bases and the wisdom you have earned through your years. Other strengths have to do with your moral code, and the caring that you dare to show to others. There are strengths that focus upon willpower, but also ones that allow you to connect with the universe around you.

Everyone has different strengths, some of which compliment each other, and others that clash. This is why it is so important to take stock of your strengths so that you may know where you may fit into a team environment.

“Unity is strength… when there is teamwork and collaboration, wonderful things can be achieved.”  – Mattie Stepanek

One of the greatest strengths you can facilitate is the ability to work together with others. This does not mean forcing yourself to fit into a space you were not meant for, but to rather find where your strengths would best be suited to, and going there. True teamwork is not about being forced to work together, but to realize where every person needs to work. A good employer, coach or teacher will do this for you, but as an individual you must also be willing and able to take measure of yourself and observe your environment.

In my motivational NLP classes I give everyone a sheet upon which to fill out their strengths as well as their needs and desires. I tell them that as far as the strengths are concerned that if they have less then five, they are being disingenuous to themselves. Once they are through we review their strengths together, and it always strikes me how many they miss. Appreciation, gratitude, hope and humour, as an example are almost never included, yet almost everyone admits to having these things when this is pointed out.

There are many strengths of character which are so important to building success that are constantly overlooked, or worse, looked at as weaknesses. Love, caring and humility are sometimes included in their weaknesses, and to think of these wonderful strengths in such a way is a down right shame. Never doubt the abilities of the human heart and the human spirit, for it is through these things that true strength is found.

Make a list of your strengths today, and take note of how they can change your world and the way that you do things moving forward.

Resolve to acknowledge your personal victories.

Your personal victories are important milestones in your life that have lent you experience, skills and values that have, in turn, molded your very life. Most people take these victories for granted, and never look at them as achievements.

The fact is that your life is filled with failures and victories, good times and bad times, and all of it comes together to make your memories in the past and the present. The issue is that most people skew those memories, and force themselves into depression by acknowledging only the failures. Today, I ask you to look to your victories, and the things that you can be proud about.

“Veni, vidi, vici (I came, I saw, I conquered.)” – Julius Caeser

Sometimes we fail in exploring our victories because ‘everyone has done it’ already. This does not make things any less important, nor any less victorious to you. In my Motivation classes in NLP I teach that it is sometimes the victories that ‘everyone’ has that shape our lives the most.

Learning to speak English is one that most people never count. English is one of the most difficult languages in the world to learn, ask any school kid going through Language Studies. The grammar, homonyms, synonyms and hidden letters make it a treacherous tongue…one which most North Americans have mastered. It is a skill that shapes how we communicate from the moment we begin to understand it.

Everything we learn and master is a victory. Learning to cook, learning to drive, learning anything at all is a victory that can be counted, even if there is someone who you perceive to be better at it than you. The fact that you have the ability to learn these complex things, shows what your brain is capable of. It is capable of achieving great things, and when you begin to acknowledge your personal victories, you will begin to see a map laid out of your skills, your strengths and possibilities for your future.

“All personal achievement starts in the mind of the individual. Your personal achievement starts in your mind.” – W. Clement Stone

The fact that you have achievements means that you are capable, and that you have the capacity to improve the life that you are living. When you focus upon these and your strengths, you will find there is nothing that is beyond your limits. Some people make a list of their achievements and victories, keeping them on hand to dispel the discouraging times, because achieving isn’t always easy.

Like when you learn to ride a bike, chances are that you will fall. There are those who wouldn’t get back up, but those who did gained a skill. They found their balance, they worked the muscles, and they learned to pay attention to their surroundings. Some of us stopped there, content to simply pump at the pedals and go whatever distance we could. Others began marathons. Some took to the most difficult terrain that they could, and still others went on to do tricks, stunts and dangerous feats that gained them attention and injury.

All of these are separate victories which use different skills such as patience, determination, a high pain tolerance and the such, but they all stemmed from the same place, and from the same basic achievement. If all you learned to do was ride, then that is fine. You showed determination, balance, patience and the will to continue past failure. These are the same skills that need to be applied to almost every aspect of life.

The best part of it all is that, like never forgetting how to ride, you never forget how to apply these skills. They are ingrained within you from childhood on, and all you ever have to remember is to stand back up and try again until you achieve what you have set out to do. Acknowledging your personal victories helps to lend you the strength you need in order to move forward.

Resolve to meet your challenges head on.

Yesterday we talked about living life as a challenge, but today I want to discuss about allowing yourself to meet your challenges head on, and grabbing the proverbial bull by the horns.

Meeting your challenges head on can be a daunting experience, and it is one that many people find hard to begin. Most fail before they even begin, hiding away parts of themselves and telling themselves that they ‘can’t', or that they aren’t brave enough. They tell themselves that there is too much risk, or too little that they are capable of achieving, but this simply is not true. As long as you draw breath, you are able to create change in your life. It is simply about having the courage to do so.

Courage is not the lack of fear, but rather the ability to move past fear and into a place of action.

In NLP we teach that there are four keys to excellence. These four keys are what unlock our ability to face our personal challenges and to rise above them into success.

Know you outcome

“The words we use are strong, they make reality.” – Wang Chung

People respond the best when they know what they want as opposed to what they don’t want. In other words you’re better to say “I want to be happy,” then “I don’t want to be depressed.”The language you use is important, especially when you are making goals or discovering your personal obstacles. Know what you want, make sure it’s not something you don’t want, and you’ve taken the first step.

Knowing what outcome you want is important, for it gives you something upon which to focus in order to achieve your desires, and realize your strengths. Knowing the outcome that you want while facing your challenge is the first step to finding your inner courage.

Be flexible

“Let no one think that flexibility and a predisposition to compromise is a sign of weakness or a sell-out.“  – Paul Kagame

Through everything, we have stressed the importance of being flexible. Flexibility is a very important thing in our personal survival and the realization of success. Sometimes you might need to change a plan, and when this happens you have to allow the change to occur. Getting upset will only delay your success further.

Being prepared to be flexible will not only make it easier for you, but also for the people around you. Sometimes a sudden limitation may point you to a possibility not open to you before. Flexibility will keep challenges from becoming overwhelming, and allows you change as much as your plans.

Use your senses with precision

“Accuracy of observation is the equivalent of accuracy of thinking.” – Wallace Stevens

Actively observe your surroundings and situations: Learn to read feedback, and remember that there is no such thing as failure. Be ready to spot a new route, be aware if communications need to be changed, be aware of your world, and the worlds of the people around you.

Your reality will never be exactly the same as the reality of the people around you, and a huge part of being able to live in the world is being able to perceive how they view reality and they will react to the things in the environment. Using your senses helps you to spot the things that can be used in your environment to your advantage.

Take action, NOW!

“Do you want to know who you are? Don’t ask. Act! Action will delineate and define you.”  – Thomas Jefferson

Take a moment, and think about this. The last key to succeeding, and to overcoming your obstacles.

Take your personal power right now, and don’t ask why, only how. How can you do this? What is available to you now as opposed to what isn’t? No one ever succeeded by lamenting that they didn’t have things, they succeeded by celebrating at what they DID have, and what they could utilize in their world.

When you use these four keys to gain courage, and take charge of your life, amazing things begin to happen and true change starts to occur. Resolving to take your challenges head on is a good place to start your new life off right.

Resolve to live life as a challenge.

Life is full of little challenges: some bigger than others, but all things that force us to consider our own strengths, weaknesses and values. Living life as a challenge means to allow yourself to expand your thinking and find yourself facing troubles not as obstacles to be overcome, but as chances to do your very best.

“Experience is the teacher of all things.” – Julius Caesar

The problem with experience as a teacher is that, sometimes, it teaches us things that we don’t really want to learn. We can learn that we’re not capable of doing things, even if we really are able. In forming these limiting beliefs we do not allow ourselves to reach our full potential. This will often happen when we start to look at the challenges in life as problems, or insurmountable obstacles.

Living life as a challenge is all about your point of view: Life is a complex combination of twists and turns caused by our decisions and how we approach the challenges we are faced with. It can sometimes be difficult to see the direction we are going in, and we misread the warning signs that let us know there may be trouble ahead.

What you do with the trouble when it arrives becomes paramount in the outcome that you receive. It helps to stop and figure out where you want to get to, and look at the tools at your disposal.

With the right approach and resolve, the challenges you’re faced with can take on a whole new light: The thing we tell ourselves we just can’t do can easily become a game.

“Practice makes perfect.” -English Axiom

Who does anything perfectly on the first try? No one expects us to sit down in front of a piano and play Mozart on the first try, or paint a master piece with no prior experience. You can see the canvas of life as a problem of not knowing, or as something to aspire to create.

When we start to live all of life as a challenge in this way, we also begin to improve and expand our capabilities. If you BEGIN TO DO THIS RIGHT NOW the ‘I cant’s‘ in life quickly and easily transform into the ‘I will’s‘.

Living life as a challenge means to have a personal competition with your own inner nag so that you can show yourself just how much more you really can achieve. So consider this a challenge to do just that, and experience just how quickly you will find your self thinking in all new, rewarding and useful ways.

Resolve to have an unreasonable curiosity.

As we have discussed, curiosity is what keeps the world and society progressing. Having an unreasonable curiosity means to not only ask questions, but to pursue knowledge with vigor. It means to pursue each answer given to us with a new question that helps to create understanding in our lives, and in the world around us.

Children are notorious for doing this, and somewhere along the way we lose our ability to feel that we can ask questions like ‘Why?’, ‘How?’ and ‘What?’, but it is exactly those questions that we must be willing to ask others and ourselves.

“Children are remarkable for their intelligence and ardor, for their curiosity, their intolerance of shams, the clarity and ruthlessness of their vision.”  – Aldous Huxley

My husband spent almost ten years as a professional street magician, and his greatest bane was children: not because of their attitude towards magic, which was always wonder, but for the fact that they alone never shied away from seeking answers and asking questions. They were also always the first to break down a trick correctly.

They found no awe in card magic, nor sleight of hand or even levitation. They were too quick to spot things that the adults had missed, or would ask questions that no one else dared to ask. That made them a difficult audience, and an even greater challenge. The realm of adult and children’s magic is vastly different for many reasons, but ironically, children’s magic can be both easier, and much more difficult.

When entering into the world, we must be like children in how we look at things, and in how we ask questions: we must use our experiences to understand what we are observing, but at the same time, we must be willing to accept other explanations and gather knowledge. Children are flexible in their understanding, while most adults are set in their ways.

“Curiosity killed the cat.” – English Proverb

We are often discouraged from asking questions; to simply accept facts, even if they are wrong, and to not stir the proverbial pot. We are warned that too much digging can do us harm, and that by being unrelenting we are causing troubles that do not need to be.

The issue with this type of thinking? It leads to ignorance in society and within ourselves. It kills progression and expression and keeps us in a place where change and creativity is stifled. It is a passively dangerous path to follow, and leads no where.

Those who are able to take big risks gain the biggest rewards at the end of their journey, and those who ask the biggest, most daring questions will get the best and most accurate answers. Richard Bandler expresses his desire to see people have an unreasonable curiosity in his “Class of a Master” series on NLP. He claims that only through an unreasonable curiosity can we gain the answers we need.

Be curious about what you can achieve in your life; be curious about how far you can go; be curious about your strengths and endeavors, and about the things that this world can offer to you. Never limit yourself, and if you find someone asking you ‘Why?’ ask them ‘Why not?’ Why not go ahead and live life as you want to? Why not achieve your own personal greatness? What can possibly hold you back? How can you get around that obstacle, and how can you move forward?

Having an unreasonable curiosity means letting nothing hold you back and taking nothing at face value. It means not accepting something as truth simply because someone says its true. It means finding out the truth of things for yourself through experiencing it first hand.

As Elphaba, the main character in Broadway’s Wicked says in the song “Defying Gravity":

“I’m through accepting limits
’cause someone says they’re so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I’ll never know!”

This is the attitude that you need in order to succeed in your own life. No limits to hold you back, no barriers that are unbreakable and no one but yourself to hold you back. Break the chains of fear, and realize that you can be free to explore your own life and blaze your own path. All you have to do is ask the right questions.

Resolve to live with wonder.

“When men are terrified, children are only curious. It is difficult to frighten those who are so easily astonished: the young have so little claim on the Unknown that, if they should see it, they would admire it.” – J. Robert Oppenheimer

We live in a universe of wondrous things; things that many of us take for granted. Living with wonder means to open your eyes up and truly look at the things that are around us. Dare to have a child-like wonder about things.

When I was a child I used to go camping with my family: We’d go back into a place once called the Electric City in Weymouth, Nova Scotia; a place that is now little more than old Acadian ruins and woods. The lake there and the beach was perfect for setting up camp, and we would go there to escape from the every day world.

One thing I remember the most was the nights on the lake: away from the light pollution, the stars were impossible to count and seemed to stretch on forever from horizon to horizon without end. One particular night I was sitting with my grandmother beside the fire we had built and we were looking up into the sky.

Me, being a curious child, I asked her what the stars were, and she, in her infinite wisdom smiled and told me that the stars were windows into heaven.

The wonder I felt at that moment didn’t diminish even after I learned the truth of what the stars were: balls of gas in space, planets, suns and, at times, entire galaxies. She had been given the chance to disillusion me with facts and figures, but instead she gave me wonder and allowed me the imagination to ponder about the nature of our universe.

When later I began to learn the truth, I only found more to wonder about, and more questions arose. Questions that, sometimes, even the experts cannot answer, and not just questions about the universe: about the world we live in, and the people who lived within it. I was instilled with more than just wonder – I was instilled with the thirst for knowledge and understanding.

“He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead; his eyes are closed.” – Albert Einstein

According to one Spiritual path out of Celtia, one of the signs of a person deserving of admiration is the ability to look upon the earth with love for the beauty upon it. To be closed off from that was a thing to mourn, for it meant a blindness of the spirit.

Wonder is what starts the gears of the mind to ask questions, and from those questions come answers that can change the very world and the way that we all live upon it. When we have wonder, we allow for, what Richard Bandler, Father of NLP, likes to call an unreasonable curiosity to enter into our lives, and that is when we can begin our personal transformation.

When you live with wonder, the heavens become your window to eternity.

Resolve to fill your heart with faith, hope, gratitude and caring.

That which you send out into the world is what you will receive in return. Thus it is that The Golden Rule of treating others the way you wish to be treated is paramount to living a happier life. Unfortunately people not only tend to treat others in ways they would never wish to be treated, but they treat themselves terribly.

Filling your heart with faith, hope, gratitude and caring means to show these things to the world and to yourself. It means allowing yourself to live the life that you were meant to live, while being there for others. Let us explore each of these four important rules to live by.

Faith

The dictionary definition of faith states that faith is a confidence or trust in a person or thing. It also means a belief in something more then ourselves. It is the cornerstone of most religions, and so is often confused with dogma. Filling your heart with faith means allowing yourself to trust in yourself and in the world.

“Without trust, there is no love.” – Moulin Rouge

You must be willing to put trust into the future, trust being one of the hardest parts of faith to accept. The world can be a scary place…but it can also be wonderful. The world, and the people in it, are filled with beauty, uniqueness and wonder. Only by trusting in the best of the world and in people can you truly experience the wonder and come to love.

Many people find trust a difficult thing, especially if they have been betrayed in some manner. Abuse victims, divorced couples and those who have been betrayed especially find this difficult, and so they close themselves off, and sometimes push people away before trust and faith can be established, preemptively attempting to keep people away so that they cannot be betrayed. They see it as saving themselves of some hurt rather then potentially losing what could be the best thing in their life.

One must be willing to allow people in, and trust in something more then just themselves. Only then can one have faith in the world and in oneself.

Hope

Hope is defined as the feeling that what is wanted can be had, or that events will turn out for the best.  This, to me, comes down to optimism and pessimism: is the glass half empty or half full?

In order to have hope, you must have optimism. This comes back to our article about finding something good, except in this case it doesn’t simply apply to people: it applies to situations and things as well. When it rains on your parade, don’t see it as a day ruined by the weather, see it as an opportunity to dance in the rain, or to organize a new event.

Hope applies to your goals in that you have to feel as though what you have set yourself out to do is possible. You must be willing to attract that hope to you: by believing it so, you allow yourself to more easily see the things around you that can help aide you along the way.

The optimist will look for anything that will line up with their ideas and ideals: a sign on the road might allow them to deviate their path in order to achieve because they have the hope and belief that this sign will lead them in the right direction. The pessimist will look for only the things they know, avoid changing their set road thinking that no one could possibly help them. That all they will find, if they veer off, is more disappointment which will waste their time.

The optimist, because he took the time to be flexible, will have success, and enrich his life in some way. The pessimist will have a longer, harder road that will end because they missed the detour signs along the way.

Having Hope means being able to believe that there truly something down that new road, and going for it.

Gratitude

Gratitude is  a feeling of thankfulness or appreciation. This can be for the things you have, the things you are given and the things you haven’t yet received. In this part of the world, where so much is taken for granted, we have much to be thankful for: clean water to drink, good food to eat and those who surround us ready to help, if only we are willing to seek them out.

When we stop to give thanks, or to be gracious for the things we have, we stop taking it for granted and begin to realize the things we truly have. When we have gratitude, for health, for life and for things, we have the chance to open our hearts up to those around us. Happiness and gratitude go hand in hand, and when we are grateful, we find more to be happy about.

Gratitude is the anti-thesis of greed, and it defeats it at every turn. When we are grateful we see the spaces we have filled rather than the spaces we have left, and we allow ourselves to fill those spaces with love. According to the Law of Attraction in Quantum theory, when we focus upon the things we have, and the things that make us happy, more of those things and events will occur. It will bring more happiness in so that we have more to be grateful for.

Caring

Which brings us to our last point: Caring. Caring means to have thought or regard for things that are in your life.

“A smile is the light in your window that tells others that there is a caring, sharing person inside.” – Denis Waitley

Caring and sharing, like gratitude and happiness, go hand in hand. We need to share our thoughts and feelings with those who matter in our lives to show our caring, but what is caring? How do we show someone that we care?

It begins with respect. Considering how the things you are doing, and the things you are saying, will affect the people you truly care about is how we show respect. In respecting their values, their lives and their personal ways is how we go about this. If you care about a person, you will offer them this respect, while also sharing honesty, happiness and all the love you have to offer to them.

By filling your heart with these four things, you invite yourself into a life that is worth living. By living the life you were meant to live, you can begin to realize your dreams, and make them a reality.

Resolve to set big goals that you can grow into.

As we have covered, goal setting is a very important part of finding your direction in life: goals give you something to work towards and reasons to continue down certain paths, but what many people never dare to do, is to set goals that they deem ‘too big’ for themselves.

In Leadership training one is taught that the bigger the goal, the more drive one has to complete smaller tasks. When you set a goal that may seem too big, what you are really telling yourself is that you believe in your ability to succeed in anything smaller and, more importantly, your ability to grow.

“Reach for the moon, because even if you miss, you’ll land upon a star.” – Brian Littrell

Being able to grow means allowing yourself to have personal reflection into the things you REALLY want in your life: your passions, your dreams and ultimately your chosen path. We have spoken at length about these topics, but now you need to realize that there is no such thing as a limit.

The first step  is discovering what you are good at. We will be speaking about this in great deal around Day 16, but for now we should touch upon the importance of it. Find out what you are good at, ask a friend if you have to, and do it.  Use it to make your ultimate goal.

Growing into Your Goal

The next step to actually making your goal, is allowing yourself to grow into it, and change your environment to meet it. This means learning. Knowledge is power, and you have the ability to to gather that knowledge for yourself. Whether that means to do some research on a topic, or to return to school to take classes, it doesn’t matter: your personal path will require different things of you then of others. Sometimes it’s about meeting the right kind of people, or having the courage to remove others from our lives.

Once you decide upon your path, you must have the courage to make the choices that you need to make in order to continue, and to make smaller goals to help you on the path to the ultimate. Sometimes these ‘baby steps’ are what will allow you to expand your life so that you can have the life that you want.

On Day 7 we spoke about excepting the unexpected twists in your life, and when it comes to goal making, sometimes this is important. Do not be afraid to change your goals: just because you’ve made them doesn’t mean that you absolutely have to keep them. You are allowed to change your mind.

Life can change in an instant, and unless you are willing to be flexible enough to change with it, then no goal you make will make you happy. Choose to make big goals, but also choose to be flexible enough to accept that sometimes the goals must change.

With that said, allow the goals that you chose to make to allow yourself to grow as a person. That is the true key to building inner strength. Never sell yourself short when it comes to what you can do in life: and sometimes, you need to be willing to take a risk.

“It took me years to learn that not risking was too high a price.” – Sue Bender

Through NLP I had a chance to learn many new and wonderful things that forever changed my life: but taking the time to learn it was, for me, a risk. I was in a place of emotional turmoil: I had lost my job, my health was in decline and I was dealing with several issues from my past. NLP was a chance to make a change, but at the time I didn’t know if that change was going to be for better or for worse.

As it turned out, that choice to learn a new skill was the best one I ever made, and it has helped me to reach many new goals: some of which I had never dared to imagine before. I am still making goals that, in this moment are unattainable, but as I grow and take new risks, I find myself able to meet goals that I would never have thought possible of me. Now I know that the sky’s the limit.

Resolving to make big goals is one of the biggest steps to building a better life, and growing into them is one of the greatest adventures that you can embark upon.

Resolve to find something good in every person.

Out of everything I teach in my NLP and motivational classes, this is one of the most difficult things for people to accept. People find it hard sometimes to trust others, or to understand them. This can make finding something good in others a tricky thing at times, especially if we don’t particularly like someone.

Believe it or not everyone is worthy in some way of some praise, because everyone has something that they are good at, or something they care for, and those things matter.Part of keeping a positive attitude, especially in a team environment such as society or most workplaces is finding these things and keeping them in mind.

We all wear masks: ones that hide parts of ourselves from those around us. These masks allow us to move through crowds of people, make small talk and protect us from letting those not within our personal circles from seeing all that there is to see. Some wear these masks like a badge of honour, while others wear them like armour against a world that has lost their trust.

“How long can you wear the mask before it becomes your face?” – P.C. Hodgell

Sometimes, in order to see a person’s true face, we must start by looking for the good things that are in their lives. It creates an empathy in which barriers can safely come down. and which we can begin to understand ourselves and others.

What are the things that you are good at that often gets over look by others? Who do you have the hardest time understanding and working at? Where do their known attitudes have their place, and how can you allow them to turn potential weaknesses into strengths?

A conversation comes to mind that I once had on this topic with someone who was trying to follow this very principal. He was being asked to find good in various people within history who have, at times, been marked down, sometimes deservedly, as villains. One person, who was fit to be tied, asked “What about the devil? There’s nothing good about him!” To his credit he shrugged, grinning mischievously, and replied jovially, “At least he’s determined?” Even she couldn’t help but laugh.

“All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages.” – William Shakespeare

Another reason why it’s good to follow this practice is one often overlooked, and comes back to a person’s sense of self worth. Sometimes the layers of masks and costumes that a person wears for the world are set into place because they themselves do not see the good things that are within them. They feel there is nothing for them to share of themselves; that there are no strengths they have, or that no one would like the ‘real them‘. Some of these people will try to act invisible, but others will act out, pretending to be someone that they feel they’re not to hide the emptiness they feel inside.

Both of these people have the same underlying issue, and sometimes finding the good thing in them for yourself can help them to realize that they are hiding not only their face, but also their potential to love and be loved. Sometimes finding that one good thing can help them to find or create others. Sometimes doing so can change their very world.

One of my favourite songs in High School reminded me of this concept. “Don’t assume everything on the surface is what you see,” Amanda Marshall sang in her hit “Everybody’s Got a Story”, and the lyrics are as true to me today as they were then. When you begin to look beyond the surface, you will find an ocean of wonders and shadows within every person. You will find love, hurt, caring and anger, but always you will find at least one good thing that can sometimes make all the difference.

Resolve to allow yourself to expect the unexpected, and dare to meet it head-on.

A single moment can change your life forever; for better or for worse. Life is a constantly changing series of seemingly random events, and the real challenge is not only how we chose to deal with the unexpected circumstances that appear, but also how we let them change our future. Many people will agree that there is a need to feel in control of our lives. Some even try to control the moments when they must let go of the controls, and hand their lives over to the thrill of letting risks take them for a ride. The ironic thing is that even the choice to let go of control is really just another way to keep life in control.

“If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.” – Rush

Who would go skydiving if they honestly believed that their parachute was not going to deploy the moment they take control and pull the cord? How many would do it if they didn’t have the assurance that they will come down gently and safely to the ground?

Sometimes when we pull life’s rip cord it seems like there is no soft landing ahead, and we are plummeting downward to a very big, very unexpected reality that we do not want to face.  In these moments we can continue to fall deeper into the feeling of helplessness that the unexpected can bring, or we can expect the unexpected, and plan to deal with whatever life throws at us.

I had just such a moment: One of those moments when time both stops, and passes so quickly that you no longer sure if you took in more of your surroundings, or less. It went something like: step… ice… sky…  thud… ground.

Before I had time to realize what had happened a cold day, and a poor landing, completely changed my path in life. A few blurry painkiller filled weeks later, and I realized that my now very angry back was not going to let me continue with my plan. You know the one you have in your head in which everything goes right?
It took over a year before I realized that I had to make a big change to that plan, which I thought had been so well thought out.  It took significantly longer to realize that I had every tool that I needed to continue with a new plan- a better plan -  instead of fighting against the tide. Instead I had to move with it.

“Destiny turns on a dime.” – Pam Tillis

From personal experience I know that the unexpected can either be feared, or embraced. If you are willing to adapt to the curves in the road then you will never wonder where you’re; going only how much you can enjoy the journey.  It may seem a strange to say that one needs to expect the unexpected, mainly because if you could, then it wouldn’t be unexpected at all. We can’t plan for every seemingly random event in our lives, but we can look forward and see ourselves in the future being unshaken, bending like a willow to move in whichever direction the winds of change blow.

Anyone can realize their own ability to laugh at adversity, and to seize it as opportunity rather then defeat. We’ve said many times that one of the only constants in anyone’s life is change – something most of us try to dig our heels in and push back against. That is why when it comes in the form of a surprise, we need to make a choice.

Of course, not all surprises are bad. I am sure that we all can think back and remember a time we received a gift, or bumped into an old friend we hadn’t expected to see. In those moments we usually find ourselves effortlessly going with the flow of good experiences. What we really need to ask is how much more easily can we go with the flow of all things in life and make the unexpected work for us when it happens?

Take the time to ask yourself when it was that you last had some challenge – big or small – in your life? One that you completely turned in your favor.

How did it feel? What did you do? How can you draw on these kinds of experiences to better face the challenges in your future? Just how much can you allow yourself to let your own unexpected abilities help you to face life, and use your potential to win out against the odds?

I expect that  if you really move with life, instead of pushing through it, you will surprise yourself with a richer and more rewarding future: One that is as as fulfilling as it is unexpected.

Resolve to expect the best from yourself.

The phrase ‘giving it 110%’ comes to mind with this particular topic: Expecting the best from yourself is something that sounds easy, but is hard sometimes to put into practice.

In this modern world we constantly have messages, images and more coming at us all of the time that tell us that, somehow, we aren’t good enough because we don’t have the newest product, or because we don’t look like the models do. Our self image and worth is attacked each and every single day from the time we are born to the time we die, and though we try to expect the best, we often plan out our own failures based on those that present themselves to us every day. Failures that, often times, do not honestly exist except in our imaginations.

Expecting the best from yourself is an important thing to do in order to battle the constant assault upon our senses. You must arm yourself with the knowledge that you are a human being whose birthright is personal greatness. You must realize that you have every resource you need in order to succeed and that all you need is to apply those resources to your day to day life.

“The thrill isn’t in the winning, it’s in the doing.” – Chuck Noll

Expecting the best from yourself starts, in my opinion, with having fun. I don’t just mean going out for a night on the town, or sitting down with good friends and family; I mean finding something in everything to enjoy. Life is given to us, and it is our choice how to spend it…but even our most basic chemistry tells us to have fun.

When we smile or laugh we release endorphins which boost our immune system and make us feel even better. Having fun means to use the resources you have to make the most of every moment you have. It means that you allow life to lead the way, instead of forcing the path. Expecting the best from yourself means that you must allow your body to do the job that your mind is trying to force.

Too many people base their lives around others, often with unhealthy consequences that help no one, least off themselves. Expecting the best from yourself means listening to YOUR inner voice, and following YOUR gut. Expecting the best from yourself means using everything you have earned through a lifetime of experience to achieve a goal, a dream or to simply live life to the fullest.

In life coaching the most common issue I run into is a person’s sense of self worth. In their minds they are always telling themselves that they are too much of one thing, or not enough of another. Self image is distorted and the person hides or seems lost behind an image that can never be, because their minds tell them that it cannot exist in their world. They place stipulations upon themselves and play, what I like to call the ‘What If’ game.

In the ‘What If’ game, which is a single person game, a person questions every action they have taken, can take or are taking and every one who plays it loses. Often they will scare themselves into inaction through assumption, personal defeat and distorted concepts of their own mental acuity or intelligence. The results are devastating, and far reaching in a person’s life.

“And I? I took the road less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.” – Robert Frost

We must not look to the road that is blazed for us, we must go forth and create new roads upon which to travel. Sometimes it is roads that we start down alone, but when life opens up, and one begins to explore their own potential, they quickly meet others along the way: other trail blazers who have moved past fear, allowed themselves to expect their own personal best, and who have armed themselves with the knowledge they need in order to move forward.

Human potential is one of the most untapped things in this world, and we gain nothing by letting it go to waste.

Expecting the best of oneself is a daily exercise that allows you to expand your world, but the first step is to believe that you have the ability to achieve; to not grieve that which you cannot change, but to receive the universe’s challenge to change what you can; both within yourself and your world.

Be everything you can be, and allow yourself to become more. Resolve to make everyday a new adventure, challenge or learning experience, and allow yourself to realize that you have everything that you need. Give everything that 110% that is yours to give, and soon, you’ll be receiving it back ten-fold.
 

Resolve to be flexible in life, and to keep an open mind.

During my training in NLP I learned a lot about the world, and the importance of flexibility. In the world that which is flexible will be the catalyst for change in any system. We see this in natural adaptation and problem solving every single day. The hardiest plants are those that can feed upon more than one type of soil, and those creatures willing to migrate when their environment shifts are the ones who will survive.

“Thus, one able to gain the victory by modifying his tactics in accordance with the enemy situation may be said to be divine.” – Sun Tzu

Being flexible is considered to be one of the keys to personal excellence, but it is also one of the most common problems that people have. From a young age we are told to do things our own way, and though this is excellent advice, most forget to tell people to try new things, and to think outside of the proverbial box.

Dr. Virginia Satire, a family counselor and psychotherapist once said that, contrary to popular belief the strongest instinct is not that of survival, but rather to keep things the same. People destroy their lives trying to do the same thing over and over and over again, always expecting that if they do it enough, that they will get a different outcome or result. This is, literally, the definition of insanity. Thus we must overcome this irrational desire to remain rigid in our ‘ways’ and learn to be like water, changing as we go.

The acorn, in order to grow, does not remain an acorn: it must rise, expand and reach out into possibilities the lowly seed could never have imagined in its infancy. The mighty oak, from an acorn grows, but first the acorn must root itself down into the soil, and reach into the sky. The branches move around obstacles as they come, and reaches further into the soil for water as it moves. If it is not willing to change its initial path of growth, the oak will die.

We must strive to be like the oak, changing from the acorn into the mightiest tree in the forest.

Part of flexibility is keeping an open mind. This is a phrase bandied around quite a bit in our modern world, and one of the most misinterpreted pieces of advice. Keeping an open mind means not allowing yourself to be clouded by illogical thinking, while actively observing your world and seeking things that you might never have noticed before. Keeping an open mind means allowing yourself to consider that maybe you do not know everything that there is to know, and that sometimes maybe, despite your experiences, you might even be wrong.

There is no shame in not knowing something, or being wrong. Rather, these things open up amazing opportunities to learn new things, to expand on old ideas or to even change your life for the better.

“You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” – Elanor Roosevelt

Keeping an open mind means admitting that maybe, just maybe, there are strengths, skills and opportunities that you have previously blinded yourself to. It means that maybe there is beauty to be found in some of the oddest places, and people who have amazing things to share, if only you are willing to listen, to watch and to experience all that life has to offer. You must be willing and able to say to yourself:  ‘Self, today I am going to keep an open mind, I am going to learn something new, and I am going to experience life a new.’

A young man I worked with recently asked me how it was that I expected him to look at the world differently. He had experienced many hardships, and was jaded to the fact that he could succeed, that he was worth anything or that he even had the ability to learn something new.

I asked him why he chose to wear a sweater that particular day rather than a t-shirt  as he had other days (for those of you who don’t live in Nova Scotia, or even Canada may not realize that a sweater is a must as the wind chill can drop temperatures to -22 degrees Celsius or -7.6 Fahrenheit and even lower at times…a t-shirt simply isn’t an option for most) and he gave me a look as though I had gone insane. He told me it was cold outside today. I asked him how he knew that. He told me because he had looked outside, went outside and listened to the weather. “It’s winter!” he finished, seeming exasperated.

I told him that he needed to observe and do the same thing with his life then: to change his mental wardrobe to go with the seasons of his life. The only constant in our lives is change, and we must be willing to change and grow with it. We began to look at his strengths, at his achievements and we discovered that there were indeed things that he wanted to learn.

“But I can’t,” he argued, “It’s too late.”

It is never too late: you must simply be ready to simply do it.

“How will we know how far we can stretch if we don’t try?” – Sue Bender

Keeping an open mind means admitting that we are human, and thus always capable of learning. It means knowing that even if we fall, that we can get back up and try a new way of thinking, of doing and of succeeding. A closed mind, a closed heart and a closed spirit makes one inflexible and incapable.  They are the ones saying to themselves ‘I can’t because…” To them I ask “Why?”

It are the ones who say “I CAN because…” who will succeed, and to them I simply say “Yes.”

Without making an attempt, one can neither fail, nor succeed, and in never attempting, the failure is assured. Nothing changes if you never do anything different, so be willing to do something new.

Be flexible, keep an open mind and always be willing to change your mental wardrobe for the seasons of your life, because even though things can get pretty cold outside, there’s always the choice to wear a sweater instead of a t-shirt, and the choice to move forward instead of standing still.

Resolve to nourish your mind and your spirit.

Yesterday we talked about the importance of having a fit and balanced body through diet, exercise and positive influence, but today we’re going to touch on a topic that is just as important: the balance of mind and spirit with that of the body.

The power of the mind has been proven throughout history, and its mysteries continue into the modern age. Your mind has the wondrous ability to not only affect  your body, but your entire world. This is a topic we have touched on during various occasions, but the importance goes beyond the Law of Attraction, and even the power of affirmations, of positive language and overcoming obstacles: the state of the mind affects one’s spirit and body, just as the state of the spirit or body affects the mind. It is a delicate balance that is forever in flux, and yet it is this flux which affects our lives.

“As above, so below; As within, so without…” – The Emerald Tablet

We all have our own set of values, beliefs and morals. Some are borne of religion and dogmas we are taught from a young age. Others come from experiences within our lives as we move through society, growing and learning with every breath we take, and every day that passes. We gain faith, hope, understanding and through these things create a balance within ourselves that reflects into the world around us. When we are at peace with ourselves, others can sense it. It is spoken through our body language, the tones we use and the words we speak.

However, this peace is something that not everyone easily seems able to achieve. Not all experiences are good, and not all lessons are easy. When that balance begins to tip, chaos, sorrow and depression take over, and escaping that is often described as one of the hardest things a person can do. We lose direction, and before we know it we are lost. Sometimes, we need to be able to see the light, and that is where this nourishment of mind, body and spirit takes place.

Many mistake the quest for quenching the spirit as one of religion. They attempt to fit their beliefs into those that they know. Some people do find God, or the Universe, or some Supreme Being to which they can release the tension and the worry. This is the right path for them, but for some, it isn’t always so simple.

When we are in balance, we feel energetic, creative and confident. We find ourselves smiling more and sharing the love we have for ourselves with others. All the great spiritualities of the world teach us to love ourselves, one another, the earth we live upon and the universe around us in one form or another. To nourish your own inner spirit you need to realize what it is that is important to YOU.

Make a list of your values, and the things you cherish most, tangible and intangible alike. This is the best place to start. Take ten minutes, put on some light music, preferably instrumental, and step away from the world to reflect upon your needs and your desires.

Meditation

From a physical perspective it is best to meditate between 3 and 5 am, but, let’s face it, very few people want to wake up at this hour. With this said, meditation is a very good way to start off the day. Many people who meditate set their clocks a bit early so that they have a chance to hit the snooze button, giving them the perfect amount of time in which to reflect upon their inner self.

Doing this has many benefits:

- It reduces blood pressure

- It relaxes your body, giving you a great start to the day

- It increases your energy

- It gives you mental clarity and a focus

- It gives one a sense of serenity

- It allows one a sense of unity

- It allows you to look at your issues with some detachment

Many people find it difficult to meditate, or feel that it has to be religious in nature, but nothing could be further from the truth. Once one realizes that it is in fact a natural thing that the body does to cleanse itself, it becomes easier. Many people have the mental image of a Yogi or a Guru sitting cross legged and chanting mantras like Ohm mani padme hum which means the Jewel and the Lotus, two important symbols in the Hindu Religion. Some may even have heard of Ham Sa or I am That I am. This is, again, a common misconception, though many Yogis may use these mantras while meditating in prayer.

True meditation is meant to allow you to focus your mind upon the things you need to know. To allow yourself to flow through your own world by stepping back. This allows one to hear their own voice and focus upon their own values to make decisions, or to simply find their center. By breathing deeply and allowing ones mind to go where it will, one can find that this silent time allows the spirit to flourish. Some may even pray during this time, but it is up to you to decide how to best spend this important time with yourself.

Douglas Munroe perhaps wrote it best for me in a fable he penned to help teach about balance:

“Once there was an apprentice with an armload of scrolls, who asked the wizened old sage: “Master, what are the harmonies of the Earth?”

“Come,” said the teacher, “Bask with me in the sunlight. Bathe with me in the moonlight.”

By the edge of a softly flowing stream, where water bugs sketched rings among ripples, he sat him down and leaned against the trunk of a willow, whose branches were a stage for a bluebird’s song. The master closed his eyes.

With great impulse the boy stood, walked in circles, snapped twigs, placed pebbles in piles – blew a blade of grass into music.

“I ask you again, Master: What are the harmonies of the Earth?”

Without a word the scholar arose, pushed his pupil into the river and watched the cat-tails nod in agreement.

When it comes to finding peace, which is around us if only we seek it out, many of us are like the boy, waiting for an answer, when all we have to do is sit, listen to the wind and reflect upon our place in our own worlds. The master, in this case, literally pushed the boy into the stream, telling him to go with the flow. The answers are all around us, and within us, if only we stop to listen.

Feeding the Mind

One of the top resolutions that people make is to learn something new, and nothing is more important for the mind then this. Without learning we stagnate, and we go on in ignorance.

“The fool thinks he is wise, but the wise man knows himself a fool.” – Proverb

I make it a habit every single day to learn at least one new thing. Today I learned how to care for orchids, and yesterday how to say say thank you in Mandarin (Xiexie). Sometimes it is things I will never use, and other times what I learn rocks my world.

I am an avid reader, I watch documentaries and I love to ask questions. It is through this curiosity and patience that I feed my mind daily. For some people they listen to others, or watch others: every one has their own style of learning.

Feeding the mind means that we keep learning and growing, and meditating upon the things that we learn. Knowledge is power: it is a truth that the ancients taught, and that has been proven time and time again, and arming yourself with that knowledge is the best defense that you can gift yourself with.

When it comes to feeding our spirits and our minds, it affects our bodies in ways that never cease to amaze me. In NLP we teach that the connection between these things are important, and the more that I experience, the more that I know it is a truth. I have seen people heal themselves of lifelong afflictions through releasing their emotional barriers and through letting go of fear.

In a way I am blessed with living in a beautiful place like the Annapolis Valley in Nova Scotia. The rural area offers many beautiful, serene places in which I can escape to meditate, but for some it may be more difficult.

To these people I say to find a place of quiet, whether its in your home, a library or even a popular public area, like a park or a cafe. Take the time to settle down and get comfortable. Then allow your mind to simply unfocus from the world and focus lightly upon the things you need to know. If you live in a particularly noisy location, take an MP3 player or stereo and play light music to help you unwind. As long as you are in a place where you can be comfortable and safe. Let your muscles relax and do not allow your mind to grumble.

One book suggests to imagine your mind like a puppy on a retractable leash; when it wanders, gently bring it home. Notice the things that it goes to and let them then float away. By doing this, we allow greater insight into the things that matter, even allowing ourselves to realize things that the conscious mind, in its grumblings, sometimes blocks out.

By allowing the spirit time to do this, either through meditation, prayer or even asanas, we allow our minds the freedom to learn, and the body the ability to heal and relax. This is one of the greatest things that you can gift yourself: to resolve to allow yourself to indulge in peace this new year.

Resolve to build a fit body.

Many people make the new year’s resolution with an aim to burn the fat away. Whether they resolve to ‘eat right’, ‘exercise more’, or simply to ‘lose weight’, it’s one of the most common resolutions that are made, and, not surprisingly, the most common to fail.

Obesity is one of the leading problems in North America: the issue lies in our diets, our habits and even in our environment. With Sodiums, like MSG, Corn products that are undigestable to our systems, and so much contradicting facts coming at us about what to and what not to eat, eating right is becoming harder and harder, making obesity a bigger and bigger problem. Obesity leads to heart disease, breathing disorders, liver failure, high blood pressure, gastronomic issues and countless other assaults upon one’s body.

Some blame corporations for starting children on the cycle early by pushing foods filled with salt, saturated fats and refined sugars, three things that lead to early obesity in children. Some blame the fact that many of the foods on our shelves contain little to no true nutrition, meaning that obesity has become an issue for the rich and the poor alike.

So, with that said, how can we possibly hope to lose weight and come more into balance? The world is a busy place, and many people cannot afford to eat healthy, or take the time to enjoy exercise. This is an issue that I have intimate knowledge of. When I first graduated from high school and moved out on my own I found myself having a sudden and drastic change in both my diet and my habits. I had work to attend, no time to exercise as I once did (I come from a country background, and exercise was simply part of life. One was always walking from one place to another, sometimes pitching wood for the winter, or simply out and about. Being inside doing nothing was not an option most of the time), and my diet suffered for it. I very quickly learned the dangers of living on convenience food while working a desk job in which I almost never moved.

In less than a year I went from being a normal weight, to obese, and my struggle began. Moving from a size 4 to first a size 12 and as far as a size 20 was as much a shock to me as it was to the people around me. I resolved to find out what happened and fix it.

My search began with my diet, which I knew had changed, and that I blamed most of all. I began to read labels: ingredients, nutritional values and everything that the food I was eating had to offer me. What I found was shocking: my food was filled with things I couldn’t begin to pronounce, let alone explain. The research began in the free time I had.

By the end, I came up with a list of things I could easily remove from my diet without breaking my budget. It’s not necessary to eliminate them all entirely, but it certainly helps to do so.

Avoid These 10 Things in a Healthy Diet

1. Anything containing High Fructose Corn Syrup – This is a man-made sweetener with absolutely no nutritional value. It cannot be digested by our bodies and it is in so many things, especially convenience food. More shocking, many things containing HFCS contains small amounts of mercury: a elemental metal that leads to skin disease, high blood pressure, increased sweating, muscle weakness, lethargy, eczema-like symptoms and, in extreme cases, brain issues. Most people will never receive this level of poisoning in their bodies, but the fact that we ingest it at all is terrifying.

2. Refined Sugars – These convert to fat almost immediately in our bodies. Most things ending in “ose” will be refined sugars. The most common are Dextrose, Fructose, Lactose, Glucose, Maltose and Sucrose. Like HFCS, many of these are corn products that cannot be digested easily and actually contain “anti-nutrients” that cause our body to store them. These things are found in most products aimed at our children. Use honey and organic sugars instead. (Note: Never give honey to children under the age of 1)

3. Enriched Flour – These are processed grains that can contain, amongst other things, bleach and ammonia. Whole grains, especially oat fiber, has beneficial side effects, which include lowering your cholesterol.

4. Trans Fat – These are listed as “hydrogenated” or “partially hydrogenated.” These, like HFCS are man-made and increase increase risk of heart disease. Many Canola products contain this word, so beware.

5. Saturated Fat – These are animal fats, and though we do require some Saturated Fats in our diet, too much has an enormous effect on our bodies. The more healthy choice are monounsaturated fats (MUFAs), which is found in things just as often, but one has to read the label to find them.

6. Mono-sodium Glutamate (MSG) – This is one of the more devious of things found in our foods. It is a flavor enhancer that can also be labeled as Ac’cent. According to the World Cancer Research fund, this is a product ‘too dangerous for human consumption’. Many people take adverse reactions to MSG, but it wrecks havoc on our bodies.

7. Silicon Dioxide – This is a chemical that has a dual effect: it can actually help us, while doing long term damage, especially in children. It does promote the health of hair, skin and enamel, and CAN help to stave off heart disease. It is put in foods to prevent things from clumping and caking, but in the long term. It creates collagen build up, cellulose and, in the right environment, such as inhaling it (remember, this is a main ingredient in most powdered foods) lung disease.

8. Sodium Nitrate – This is a color fixture, and it causes cancer. All it does is keep our food looking bright and fresh. It has many long term side effects that do nothing to help us.

9. Aspartame – Originally developed as a biological chemical weapon by the US department of defense, Aspartame is pure poison and causes stomach ache (as it converts to formaldehyde in acid), brain hemorrhaging and worse. It is considered one of the most dangerous substances we take into our bodies, and we use it as an artificial sweetener as an alternative to refined sugars. There are 92 side effects of this substance and should be eliminated from your diet as soon as possible. It is sometimes listed as Saccharin.

10. Diacetyl – This is a butter flavoring that causes lung disease, and isn’t in too much, but it’s worth looking for. Bottom line: it isn’t good for you.

So…with these ten things listed as things to avoid, what do we look to next?

Eating Healthy

1. Orange Vegetables – Carrots, Yams, Squash and any vegetable that is orange or yellowish are good for you. They’re loaded with Carotenoids, Vitamin C, Potassium, and Fiber. These help with your immune system, muscular structure, digestion and more.

2. Fruit – Especially tropical things like mangoes, pineapples, bananas and oranges, but also apples and quince. They are rich in Vitamin E, D and C, Potassium and natural sugars.

3. Green Vegetables – Peppers, Broccoli and squashes fall into this category, along with cucumbers and more. They have lots of Vitamin C, more Carotenoids, Vitamin K and Folic Acid.

4. Oat Fiber – This is not only delicious, but also can help lower cholesterol and prevent heart disease. Most whole grains are good for you, but do beware of Modified ingrediants.

5. Beans – The magical fruit. All beans are good for you, from lentils, to chick peas, green beans and black-eyed peas. Cheap to buy, rich in Protein, Fiber, Iron, Magnesium, Potassium, and Zinc, beans are a super food. My personal favorite are Mung Beans and Chick Peas.

6. Leafy Greens – More super food: eating your greens gives you daily doses of Vitamins A, C, and K, Folate, Potassium, Magnesium, Calcium, Iron, Lutein, and Fiber.

7. Herbs and Spices – Many spices naturally increase you metabolism and have positive effects upon the body. Many herbs and spices are used as medicines in ancient tradition and have become staples for very good reasons. The best spices to include in your diet are: cinnamon, cayenne, cardamon, chili powder, cumin, black pepper, basil, and garlic. These not only boost your immune system and metabolic rate, but they are delicious. Indian foods use almost all of these spices constantly.

8. Green Tea – Replace your coffee and sugary juices with green or herbal teas. They are good for you and increase metabolism, cleanse your body and are delicious when made right. I prefer Oolong and White Tea personally, both types of green tea that help your body shed cellulose and love handles. Remember: C affine is a drug, and has many adverse side effects. Break the habit now with tea.

9. Water – Water is a must. At least 8 cups a day, and more if you have an active lifestyle.

These are all things easily added to one’s diet, and are delicious, easy to cook and even easy to grow if one has the time and space to garden. Urban gardeners may be interested in looking into vertical farming for maximizing space.

Exercise

Anyone who has ever tried to lose weight probably has tons of exercise books, videos or equipment sitting around their household. Some enthusiasts may even have things like Nintendo’s Wii Fit, Playstation 3’s Move System or XBOX 360’S Kinetic, which are" games":http://www.qpmonline.com/miscellaneous/ aimed at getting people up and moving.

The thing is that most people feel that exercising takes too much time, effort or feel that they are literally incapable to exercising. But there are great things that can help one lose weight, and keep it off. It only takes 10-30 minutes a day, and some can be done at any time. Marching, walking and biking instead of driving can help a lot, and does wonders for your frame of mind as well. Not only is it good for your cardiovascular system, but it helps to build healthy muscles.

If you find yourself sitting in one place, take some weights, or even a bottle of water with you and take the time to lift it, above your head, behind your back or just simple arm “crunches”. Slow, controlled movements over time will do the work for your arms that also helps to burn off calories.

When it comes to calories, it’s always best to burn more than you take in if you want to lose weight, but it’s also important to keep your body maintained with proteins, vitamins and nutrients, which is why simply cutting your diet in half or eliminating meals is a bad idea. Remember those nutritional values? Try to get them to 100% everyday, no more, no less, because too much of a good thing is sometimes as bad as not enough.

Personally I love Yoga. I do it whenever is possible, even if I’m just cooking in my kitchen I do some asanas and stretch my legs. I am notorious for folding my legs into the Tree Position just while I’m standing about talking to people. A sun salutation at the beginning of the day gets the blood pumping and starts your metabolism off on the right foot. Always remember to drink water while doing any of this, breath, and have something with easily digested natural sugars after the fact. I like a cup of white tea with some honey.

Meditation as well can help to balance the mind and the body, but we will speak more on this topic tomorrow with Resolution #4 – Nourishing Mind and Spirit. In NLP we teach that the balance between mind and body is inseparable, and with it we can break habits that do us harm.

I began to make the shift with these simple steps two years ago. The first, by eliminating the toxins, saw an immediate drop in my weight. I went from a 20 to a 18 in one month, quicker than I liked, as losing weight too fast is unhealthy for you. Next, I began to supplement my diet with spices, healthier foods (listed above) and exchanging coffee for tea and water. Then, and only then, did I start to do what exercise I could: walking, marching in place, lifting weight, bottles of water or even books if I found myself sitting down for too long, and walking instead of driving when the opportunity came. I am glad to report that I dropped down to a Size 11 as of November of last year. My goal? Size 8-10. Why Size 8-10? My body type levels my BMI out around that dress size, and I have no intention of looking like a starving model. Health comes first for me.

So, this year, resolve not to lose weight, but to build a body for yourself that is both fit and healthy. Eliminate the negative and dangerous toxins and anti-nutrients, and above all, stay positive. Positivity releases endorphins into your system which boosts everything positive in your body.

Resolve to dream big, and put the time and energy you need to make those dreams a reality.

Creating goals is an important part of life, but creating goals and realizing them are sometimes two very different things. One needs to be willing to put time aside each and every single day to realize their dreams without compromising their happiness.

This starts with having a positive attitude. In my bathroom I have a saying that reminds me of this daily:

“Believe in the Do, not in the Don’t
Believe that you Will, not that you Won’t
More comes with a Yes, than with a No
The first step in Achieving is Thinking it so.”

Without a positive attitude, one cannot achieve what needs to be done to put the energy into things that matter. Reaching a goal doesn’t happen overnight, and taking the time to focus is a must.

So, what is your dream? That is where one must start, and that is where all journeys begin. Everyone has a dream, whether big, or small, but you cannot be afraid to dream big. Dreaming big is how people, and the world, become better. One must be fearless and daring to dream big. Never think that something is outside of your reach, because only YOU set your own limits, and as Richard Bach reminds us in his book “Johnathan Livingston Seagull“, there are no limits to how far you can fly. You simply must be willing to stretch your wings.

So, you have your dream, now what? In NLP we say that people have all the resources they need to achieve their desired outcomes. At any point you have all the strengths you need to achieve anything you want, and if there is a skill that you do not have, then you have the ability, as a human being, to learn. But first you need to be willing to say that you CAN.

Remove negative language from your life. Do not say that you will try, instead do. Do not say that you can’t, say that you can’t yet, or that you will.

Remember that attitude is the mother of luck: Without it, we get no where. You have the choice to take upon yourself whatever attitude you wish to have. To make your dream into a reality, you must be willing to have a positive, flexible and flowing attitude.

Making your dreams a reality

In NLP we use a technique called “Logic Levels”. Inspired from the work of Dr. Gregory Bateson, the Logic Levels of Change can help a person overcome negative attitudes, help them build goals or even to overcome phobias. In this case, let us look over some of the basic concepts of how to build a goal through these six steps.

There are six main steps of building a healthy goal that is completely in line with your values, skills and means. This technique allows for you to realize not only what you want, but what the benefits are, and what particular skills are needed in order for you to move forward with your dream.

1.    Environment “There is no place but here, and no time but now.”
When and where do you want to begin with realizing your dream?

2.    Behavior “Attitude is the mother of luck.”
What attitude do you need to have in order to achieve your dream?
What attitudes are holding you back?
What attitudes do you have that will help you to advance?

3.    Skills and Capabilities “What we CAN do is much more important than what we can’t.”
What skills do you have that will help me succeed?
What are your capabilities?
What skills do you need to build or learn in order to move forward?
Who do you know with these skills that can help you?

4.    Beliefs and Values “Stick to your values so that you can live without regret.”
What do you value in your life?
Does this act with or against your values?
Who else shares these values to help you move forward?

5.    Identity  “We are what we make ourselves to be.”
Who are you as an individual?
How will this affect you as a person?
Will this be a strengthening experience for yourself?

6.    Purpose “Be the change you want to see in the world.”
Who are you serving with your dream besides yourself?
What changes will your dream make in the lives of others, if any?
What overall vision do you have with this dream?
How will your dream affect your long term life?
How will your dream affect the long term lives of others?

When you answer these questions, a path begins to open up in your life: one that allows you to target issues, find the things that you need and help you gain the focus that is needed to achieve your dreams.

It’s that simple. But the most important thing that you can do to realize your dream is to begin.

Resolve to live passionately this year.

Living passionately means to live life without fear; something that many people have issues letting go of. So this year resolve to let go of that fear and replace it with joy and with wonder, because it’s not about what happens to us that matters, but how we deal with what happens.

In NLP we say that “There are no failures, only feedback”, what this means is that we must resolve to learn from our mistakes and use those lessons to improve and expand ourselves. In life, this means rising when we fall and remembering to look for pitfalls that can be avoided so we don’t make the same mistake twice. How we deal with our lives, and the experiences within them will affect the passion that we have: One can either look at the road ahead and see that it twists and curves into terrifying unknown places, or one could see a path to adventure and new experiences. Que sera sera, we may not know the future, but we can make the best of it by taking each day at a time and by allowing ourselves to take joy and passion from each and every single one that is given to us.

So, what does this mean for our resolution? The term Carpe Diem is often used when it comes to passionate living: Roughly translated it means “Seize the Day”. Seizing the day means to stop putting things off, and to look for the things that make life worth living for YOU. Embracing your own life is a must for living without fear.

“You’ve gotta’ dance like there’s nobody watching,
Love like you’ll never be hurt.
Sing like there’s nobody listening,
And live like it’s heaven on earth.” – William Purkey

These words are as true today and they were when they were penned. One cannot be concerned with how others will view them, for sometimes in order to be happy we need to consider what WE want from life. You need to let the past go while holding on to the POSITIVE lessons that you have learned along the way, and be aware of the energy that you are bringing into your own life.

According to the Law of Attraction in Quantum theory what we expect, we shall receive. If you enter into something thinking that you will fail, chances are that you will. But, if you go in expecting to do your best, and thinking in a positive, passionate manner, a magical thing happens: success is given a fallow ground in which to grow.

As a child, I heard a tale that has stayed with me over the years about this principal, and I would like to share it with you today. I do not know the original author, but it is a parable about expectations that rings with truth:

Once upon a time on the road to Damascus there sat a man who, it was rumored, could tell the future of anyone entering into the city. Every day hundreds would pass him by, and every now and then one would stop, ask him a question and then move on, beaming with happiness.

One day a traveler came along who sought not his future, but the secrets of this seer, and he asked the man if he could sit there beside him to learn of his secrets to prediction. The man smiled at the traveler and nodded, patting the ground beside him.

A few hours later a group of merchants came by, and one stopped, approaching the man and his new acolyte. He knelt down and handed the man a coin with bated breath. “Master,” he said in a road-weary voice, “We have come a long way, and we need to know if we enter into Damascus if we will find those who will buy our wares, exotic though they may be in this land.”

The seer considered his words, and then, slowly, nodded. “You will find exactly what you seek within the city.”

The merchant left with a smile and a skip in his step, and the traveler looked at his new teacher with surprise. “How did you know?” He asked, but the man only grinned mysteriously.

The next person to stop was a man who had clearly seen better days. He stumbled to the master with tears in his eyes and offered up what was clearly his last heel of bread. “Master,” he said, “I have had nothing but ill fortune since I lost my son to the war, and I have nothing left in me to give. Will I find the same misery in Damascus that has hounded my step for so long?”

The master took the bread with some grimness, and, slowly, he nodded again. “You will find exactly what you seek within the city.” The man hung his head and trudged away.

It didn’t take long for the traveler to realize that his new teacher was a very popular man, but what puzzled him was that his master gave every petitioner the same answer. When they would ask what they were to find, he would always answer “You will find exactly what you seek within the city,” no matter if what they asked for was good or evil, wondrous or heart-breaking.

“Master,” he said finally, after the city gates closed and the man rose with his treasures from the day, “why do you never give any other answer to those men? I was told that you could see the future, but you have told no one anything differently from the other.”

“My student,” said the master with a smile, “no one can see the future, what I have given them instead is truth. You will find what it is you seek, because having eyes that look, ears that listen and a heart to lead will always bring men in whatever direction they seek. Empires may rise and fall, but men will never change, and the future is what they chose to make it. I simply speak to their hope or despair.” He pointed then to the city on the darkening horizon, “You too will find what it is you seek within those walls and within the world. But first, you need to know what it is that you want.”

With that, he left the traveler and went along, whistling a merry tune to the world.

If you seek passion in the world, then you will find it. If you smile, you share that smile, if you cry, share the tears, but always look for the lesson in the day, and the beauty in the sunset. Passion comes from within, and you will find what you seek.

Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go – William Feather

These words couldn’t be any more true when we think about what they really mean. Success is about keeping on something when others have failed, meaning that sometimes the most important part of success is the small incidents that most call failures that we achieve along the way.

In NLP we state that there is “No failure, only feedback”. What does this mean will taken in the context of achieving our goals? This means that rather than seeing things as proof that we never should have tried, we should respect it as a lesson learned along the way. If you “fail” you have just learned one way not to do something.

Edison, when he invented the light bulb, didn’t get it right immediately, and when asked it later he is reputed to have said that he had learned 1000 ways not to make a light bulb. Yet, he didn’t give up despite those lessons learned. Each one made him more determined to get it right.

In this we must realize that perfection is not something that is automatic within ourselves: it is something we learn along the way. If we never try, we’ll never have the chance to succeed. We must push past our self-made resistance in order to achieve anything.

Without persistence, determination and the ability to take rejection as a constructive force very little can be done. And in order to achieve these skills we must first change ourselves and our outlooks.

Using more positive language, such as that taught in NLP can help one achieve these changes. Using “Will” or “can” instead of “Try”. A good one I learned is instead of saying “I don’t know” I say “I don’t know yet” meaning that I will be moving forward in order to learn instead of allowing myself to be stifled. Simple phrases, but they easily make a world of difference!

Never limit yourself, and never let anyone dictate the limits of your skills. You can learn success, and you can make a difference in your life, and in the lives of those around you.

To be strong within ourselves, we must be willing to challenge fear, to look beyond and recognize our false beliefs as obstacles that can be easily overcome if only we seek the wisdom of our own minds and bodies. The connection between mind and body is an amazing one that allows us to transform our own lives into what we want.

In running with the theme of our featured product this month, one of my favourite books called “Way of the Peaceful Warrior”, I want to take a moment to reflect upon inner strength, and the things that a person can do to realize it.

In NLP we have a principle that states that “People have all the resources they need to achieve their desired outcomes“. What this means is that these resources are within yourself all the time. They can be determination, confidence or even simple patience. Everyone of us has these things at some time or another, and to succeed in realizing our inner strength we must embrace these resources and identify what it is that we have. We must embrace them, and recognize that of them all, our determination and persistence is what will carry us through.

I have a magnet on my refrigerator that reminds me of this every day. It says “Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education alone will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.” That, to me, is one of the most important principles of strength.

Just today I was called a warrior woman for this very attitude, and it made me smile, especially with the fact that I had just re-read Mr. Millman’s excellent book, but it never fails to amaze me how amazing life is to live when one takes to heart the lessons that one learns. It reminds us to have the courage to remain determined, and to love. Rise to the occasion so that you can look back and feel good about the life you have lived. That is inner strength.

And as the Law of Attraction reminds us, “As Within, So Without”. When we have inner strength, we will attract better things to us. When it shines through, others will recognize it, and be drawn to us. It’s an amazing thing really, the power of inner strength. We feel better, we function better, and things begin to change as though by magic.

That is why attitude is so important in life, because of the affect it has upon our physiology. Find the love in what you do each and every single moment that you live, and you will begin to understand.

Inner strength is not about not having fear. Sometimes, as Richard Bandler likes to remind us, fear is a good thing. It can help us to survive. Inner strength is about recognizing that the fear is there, but doing things anyway. Once you do, it becomes easier, and after a while, it even becomes natural. The first time I sang up on stage, I was a wreck, but I did it anyhow. I was so scared that I got sick afterwards. But the next time, I had already done it, and it became easier. Now I have no fear of getting up there and doing it. The fear has become a thrill, and part of my own strength. When later I began public speaking, I had no problems because I simply told myself ‘Hey, is this really going to be any different?’

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“When running up a hill, it is all right to give up as many times as you wish–as long as your feet keep on moving.” – Dan Millman.
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Inner strength is about getting up when you fall, and about being aware of your surroundings. It’s about overcoming the powerlessness of fear and transforming it into the absolute, unlimited power of courage. With determination and persistence it can be achieved.

All you need to be willing to do is to take the first step.

It’s been a long and interesting summer here at Quantum Performance Management, with the development of our Training Manuals for our Basic NLP Practitioner Course, and sign-ups starting, but I wanted to take the time to share an inspiring concept shared in a book I read this summer called The Master Motivator by Mark Hansen.

One of the most consistent issues that I see as a Trainer and Master Practitioner of NLP is the view a person has about their own self worth. These concepts, driven by many factors throughout their lifetime, impact every aspect of their lives: how they treat themselves and others, the things that they do, and the motivations that they have. Many feel that they are incapable of creating, or doing anything because they are “not good enough” or “could never do anything like that”.

People just don’t give themselves enough credit.

I had the wonderful opportunity to teach a short seminar this summer on NLP in motivation and self evaluation, and it became apparent that this same attitude also followed people into the classroom. After teaching some principles of NLP, excellence and personal reflection, it became clear to many of the students that they had been holding themselves back from their own greatness. They all left that day with an inventory of their strengths.

Yet, something still bothered me about the inventory, because though it gave them the motivation and confidence to succeed based on their current skill sets, it didn’t give them an overview of the things that they were able to accomplish. When I read Mark’s book, I quickly realized what that something was.

In the book, he mentions making a list of “200 Victories” in whatever manner you wish. These are 200 things that you have done correctly in your lifetime that allows you to move forward into the future. It was a concept that I found to be remarkable and inspiring, and I knew it was something that I needed to consider for future projects.

This month, I am putting out a challenge for everyone to go out and make your own list of 200 Victories of your life, and to keep it close at hand for those days when you feel as though nothing is going right. If anyone wants to share their victories, I will gladly look forward to posting comments of people wishing to share blogs, facebook notes and the such that list their victories for people to see.

Taking an inventory of your life and your accomplishments is an important thing, even without a list, because we all have strengths and resources that can help us to become amazing people who do amazing things. We just need to realize our potential and the worth that we have within the world.

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200 Victories:

Key Points:
1. Survived being born
2. Learned English (one of the most complex languages in the world!)
3. Learned how to write
4. Learned how to get back up after I fell down.

Transportation:
5. Learned how to walk
6. Learned how to dance
7. Learned how to skate despite many painful failures
8. Learned how to drive several styles of vehicles
9. Learned how to read a map
10. Learned when it was time to ask for directions
11. Learned how to ride a bicycle
12. Learned how to drive an ATV
13. Learned how to navigate an airport
14. Cured my phobia of flying
15. Cured my phobia of horses
16. Learned how to ride a horse
17. Rode an elephant

Languages:
18. Learned French
19. Learned the basics of Japanese
20. Learned (and lost due to disuse) Spanish
21. Learned Latin

Business:
22. Learned to use a computer
23. Helped to launch a website
24. Became a co-owner of a business partnership
25. Wrote articles and created advertising
26. Learned to link social media

Computers:
27. Learned HTML
28. Learned DOS
29. Learned how to navigate Windows
30. Learned how to navigate Linux
31. Beat a computer game without any aide from a guide

Family:
32. Got married
33. Reconnected to lost cousins
34. Found my genealogy

Health:

35. Balanced my diet
36. Learned Yoga
37. Began regular exercises
38. Overcame obesity after gaining weight from a medical condition
39. Continuing to survive BPD
40. Overcame depression
41. Learned to swim
42. Learned meditation
43. Played Rugby in school
44. Enjoyed time as a Camp Counselor (good for the mind, body and soul)

Spirituality:
45. Read the Bible 4 times
46. Read the Qur’an 2 times
47. Read the Bhagavad-Gita 3 times
48. Read the Buddhist Book of the Dead 2 times
49. Read the Book of Mormon (and other books)
50. Read the Tao 2 times
51. Read the Witch’s Bible
52. Read Dianetics
53. Read the Egyptian Book of the Dead
54. Volunteered at a Christian Youth Camp for several summers
55. Volunteered my time with a Christian Youth Classical Band
56. Researched Folklore, Mythologies and Legends

Music:
57. Learned to play Flute
58. Learned to read music in Bass and Treble
59. Learned to read tab
60. Learned to play Euphonium
61. Learned to sing
62. Memorized lyrics of over 100 songs
63. Learned to play by ear
64. Composed several classical pieces
65. Wrote lyrics for several songs
66. Had a song I wrote played on the radio
67. Played the National Anthem for a Professional NLB game
68. Joined a local band
69. Earned enough to feed my music addiction
70. Learned the basic chords on a guitar

Writing:
71. Published pieces for a literary journal
72. Submitted my first novel
73. Overcame rejection
74. Published Poetry
75. Won an editors choice award
76. Wrote for a professional magazine
77. Wrote speeches
78. Published a radio play
79. Wrote a manual
80. Overcame the genre barrier

Movies:
81. Watched the top 100 movies of the 20th century

Friendships:
82. Gained true friends
83. Learned to distinguish the difference between real friends and acquaintances.
84. Learned to love my “enemies”.
85. Learned the power of forgiveness.

Travel:
86. Left the province
87. Visited the capital of Canada
88. Visited the Stanley Cup
89. Met the Usher of the Black Rod
90. Left the country
91. Rode a roller coaster
92. Ate real Mexican food
93. Learned American History
94. Spent the night in a tent
95. Learned how to make a fire
96. Learned how to canoe
97. Learned how to navigate using the stars
98. Learned how to make a lean-to
99. Rode a train

Cars:
100. Bought my first car with my own money
101. Learned to drive a car with a slipping gearshifter
102. Learned the importance of transmission fluid.
103. Learned how to tend to a car engine

Reading:
104. Read the entire Mark Twain Collection
105. Read 92/100 of the Greatest Books of all time
106. Read every day
107. Owned over 300 books
108. Learned something new every day.

Creation:
109. Learned how to paint with Water Color
110. Learned how to draw the Human Figure
111. Learned how to sculpt
112. Learned how to write using calligraphy
113. Learned the dangers of a fountain pen
114. Learned how to model authors
115. Learned how to sew
116. Made a stuffed animal
117. Made a basic word processor
118. Learned how to make incense
119. Learned how to cook
120. Learned how to bake
121. Learned the principles of gourmet
122. Learned how to make herbal medicines
123. Learned how to grow plants from a seed
124. Learned how to make handwash, shampoo and soap.
125. Learned how to mix color
126. Learned how to carve
127. Learned how to make dyes

Education:
128. Graduated from High School
129. Learned NLP Practitoner-Trainer Levels
130. Learned Hypnosis
131. Taught a class of adults
132. Taught children
133. Taught a foreign child English
134. Acted as a music tutor
135. Took Leadership Courses

Personal Victories:
136. Survived to the age of 25
137. Learned to share
138. Overcame a speech impediment
139. Proved the doctors wrong (they said I would be legally blind by 20)
140. Learned how to handle and shoot a firearm
141. Learned First Aide and CPR
142. Discovered the ability to take a leap of faith
143. Learned to defend myself
144. Won a local arm-wrestling tournament to the surprise of every one else.
145. Became a supervisor
146. Learned the power of listening
147. Learned to trust people
148. Learned how to accept constructive criticism
149. Learned how to love myself
150. Harvested my first vegetable crop
151. Brewed my own beer
152. Learned how to admit defeat graciously
153. Learned good sportsmanship
154. Learned how to throw a football
155. Learned how to plant a fruit tree
156. Learned how to create essential oils
157. Began life coaching
158. Helped clients overcome phobias, addictions and self doubt
159. Overcame my own limitations
160. Understood that the need to keep things familiar is more powerful than the need to survive
161. Overcame a suicide in my life
162. Discovered that I could be a good person
163. Learned how to hunt
164. Overcame fears of the dark
165. Overcame fears of dogs
166. Learned to look past labels and stereotypes
167. Learned to talk so people would listen
168. Discovered my own inner strength
169. Discovered nonviolent ways to end fights
170. Helped a married couple learn how to communicate
171. Learned the Law of Attraction
172. Learned how to hook up a television to several connections
173. Learned how to be brave in front of a camera
174. Sang in front of an audience by myself
175. Acted in several plays in front of an audience
176. Learned how hard it is to move in a gorilla costume
177. Learned how to make balloon animals
178. Found an inner balance
179. Learned the importance of list making
180. Achieved honors in school
181. Learned chess
182. Grew an avocado tree from a pit (which is harder than it sounds)
183. Discovered how to let people in
184. Learned how to ask for help
185. Learned how to overcome failure
186. Learned that a weakness can be transformed into a strength
187. Learned how to overcome objection
188. Learned how to expect the best
189. Discovered confidence
190. Became a mentor
191. Discovered that I was an individual
192. Learned how to create synergy
193. Learned how to give
194. Discovered the value of good communication
195. Learned how to use Time Management
196. Learned how to run a budget
197. Learned how to inspire others
198. Discovered life started in the here and now
199. Realized that I have the power to change my future
200. Began to realize the joy that was all around me and how to share it.

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I challenge people to make their own lists, and to share their own amazing stories of life, of overcoming the difficulties in their lives and of the power of realizing that you are more filled with more personal power than you could ever imagine.

One of the key skills looked for in modern business is the ability to communicate; a skill that is accessed during the interview process itself.

The very concept of an interview has the tendancy to create anxiety in a would-be employee, but wouldn’t it be better to become relaxed and confident when you sit down in the chair?

The power of good communication is such that with it, interviews and chance encounters become something easy. Just by following a few simple rules, you can expand your ability, and become viewed as a valuable candidate for any position.

To understand how to become a good communicator, one must first examine what communication is. Is it the words you use? Maybe the way you hold yourself? Or even perhaps the tone of your voice when you talk? The answer is all of these things, and more.

Believe it or not, our words matter less then the way we say them, and our body language. Less then 10% of communication is accomplished by what we say. Almost 40% lies in how we say something, in the tones of our voices, the tempo of our words and the pitch we use.

Take, for example, sarcasm. Sarcasm is when we say one thing, but our tones make it clear that we mean the opposite. If words mattered more, sarcasm would not exist.

The remaining percentage of communication lies in our physiology. This is our posture, our facial expressions and the gestures that we chose to make. Even the pace that we breath can affect what our physiology communicates.

Armed now with this knowledge, let us examine what you can do to improve upon your interview skills.

You may have heard the term “rapport” in the past. Rapport is the ability to and art of becoming in sync with another person. Usually we do this naturally and on a completely unconscious level, especially with people who share similar mindsets as ourselves. But, it is possible to create powerful rapport easily with anyone. It simply takes a moment of observation.

When you sit, notice how the person across from you is sitting and match it. If they are clasping their hands, clasp your own. You have immediately told them, without words, that you are ready for them.

Pay attention to how they move, and move a breath behind them. If they scratch their nose, scratch your own a moment later. Unconsciously you are telling them that they have your full attention and understanding.

Next, note how fast they are talking when they speak and, again, match it. People communicate at the speed that they process information. This is the reason that some people stutter, because their physical mouth cannot keep up with the speed at which they are thinking. This means that if you are talking fast to someone who is methodical in their speech they will immediately miss some of what you have to say. If they talk loud, talk at the same volume. Again, this tells the unconscious mind that there is a connection and understanding. It will make them feel like they can trust more of what you have to say.

An interesting thing happens when you do this: When you fall into rapport you will find yourself honestly beginning unconscious rapport to the point where your breathing will fall into sync with the person you are speaking with. You may even find that they start to follow your movements.

I had this happen once so powerfully that the person in question not only followed me out of the interview room, excitedly talking about his life, but to the very car where, finally he shook my hand enthusiastically and asked me to come back the next day to help make changes in his company. Normally this reaction is not the one you’ll receive, but you will find yourself getting the job you want far more often then if you simply came in, wringing your hands while staring at the floor.

Who would you hire: the person who seems to be on the same page as yourself, who has confidence and excitement while actually seeming to pay attention, or, the person timidly sitting across from you avoiding eye contact? The answer is, of course, obvious. The first person will catch your attention and keep it more then the latter.

Now, of course, body language and tonality is wonderful, but if you say nothing you will simply create confusion in an interview, or really any conversation. Like creating physical rapport, you can also create a deep connection with the words you use. Again, paying attention to your audience matters.

Use phrases that they use, and words from within their own vocabulary. As an example: If they ask you “What do you feel you will offer us?” Then you should say something like, “ Well, I feel that I will offer you…”

Likewise, if instead they should ask, “What skills do you think you will offer to us?” Don’t be fooled. It might be the same question, but the person asking it is a very different type of person. Reply with something like, “I think I will offer
many skills to you, like…” Or, even better, “I know I will offer…” The question is, essentially, the same, but both show very different mindsets, and how you answer will show yours.

The first question will involve more kinesthetic answers like “A solid commitment,” “the ability to work under pressure.” These are words involving feelings and the ability to get into touch with things.

The second question involves very digital words that fall into all types of communication. You would give answers like, “I am very motivated to succeed,” “I am able to learn quickly”, and “I have a vast knowledge base.” These are words involving the mind and it processes.

Still, they could ask ,”I want to hear what you have to offer“, or “Tell me what you see you can offer to us.” Again, it is the same question, but very different ways to ask it, meaning you must answer them differently.

Pay attention! How you answer matters. It’s easier then it may seem. You do it naturally every day, and so do the people around you.

Spend a day noticing the differences in how how people talk, and what reactions others have. Who is establishing rapport? Who are using similar words with each other? And who is effective in their communications?

This flexibility of communication is important in any walk of life, and will also show a skill you might not have listed on a resume: the ability to realize how communication works, and how you can use it. With this new confidence you can go after anything that you want.

Some people will tell you that NLP is an advanced art of learning, while others feel that it is the art of advanced teaching. For those who master Neuro Linguistic Programming, it soon becomes clear that both stances are correct.

By enhancing peoples’ abilities to learn, we become more effective as teachers of our chosen crafts. Imagine having the ability to find the right words so a child, or even an adult, can grasp a new idea. Now, understand that you not only have this ability, but you can use it again and again within the classroom. The more you use it, the stronger it becomes. The stronger it becomes, the more people will learn.

By learning how to create states of accelerated learning within our own minds, we become better learners. You can easily train your brain to accept and keep more information at a pace of your own choosing. When we instil this same skill into our students, we create a classroom environment that expands the minds of everyone within it. This type of communicative learning not only applies to the classroom, but also to an individual tutoring process. Both environments allow for in-depth learning, and the ability to connect to the individual students: something most modern learning environments do not offer. Using the right kind of communication can ensure that no student is left behind.

Recently I was working with a young child whom no one seemed able to help. Their reading comprehension was well beneath what was expected of them. Their confidence in the classroom was nonexistent and they had become prone to fits of sometimes violent rage. They were seen as difficult, slow and had even been recommended Ritalin, a drug used all too often with children their age, as a way to curb the issues in and out of the classroom. Their mother, knowing all too well some of the dangerous side effects of Ritalin, was loathe to place her child on the medication, and turned to us for help.

First we discovered what dreams and passions the child had, and identified their obstacles. Then we located their strengths.

By instilling confidence they found the courage to pick up a book. By redirecting their anger we helped them realize a resource state in which they were willing, and even excited, to learn. We showed them how what they were learning could apply to their overall goals in life, and indeed to many other places.

Slowly, but surely, they began to read; one word, then one paragraph, then one chapter at a time. Their confidence grew, and their fits lessened. By month’s end they were again getting along with fellow students and siblings. They had risen an entire grade, if not more, in their reading, and now they had a want to persevere. This was especially wonderful as this young child, whom no one could help, was labeled with a learning disability.

Everyone’s minds work differently, and in order to teach, we must understand how it is that people learn. What language do they use? What things excite them? At what pace do they process information, and what methods are they using to remember? As human beings we all have the ability to learn, to adapt, and to make changes. Many people however, only know their own methods of learning. This can lead to issues in a classroom. I am certain that we have all had that one teacher who gave endless handouts, but no explanations, or another who would put every speck of information onto the projector so you could copy it. For some people, these methods work, but those who cannot learn this way are at an extreme disadvantage.

I was blessed at a very young age by something many people will never get: a REAL teacher.

He was a man who, at times, seemed eccentric. He would play classical music in the background one day, and would switch to rock the next. In the course of a year I learned about most of the musical genres just by listening to that stereo. One day we would sit at our desks while he danced about the classroom, telling us the sights and sounds of ancient worlds, giving us emotional insights into composers and the people who inspired them. The next day we’d come in and he was pushing aside our desks so we could sit in circles, listening to the music while he had us write stories, compose songs and create pictures about what the music meant to us, or to others. He appealed to all of our learning styles by assigning us all different tasks, and by using different types of language all the time.

I can still, almost two decades later, remember his lessons. He painted pictures with his words, sang symphonies with his stories and gave me a great love for history and song. He was our music teacher, but he taught us about more things then just music. He taught us things that would benefit us for years to come. It took many years before anyone else would teach me so much. Even now, if you mention his name to students they will smile and say “Remember the time he told us…”

He spoke to each and every single one of us, and we, in return, learned from him. That is the impact that good teaching can have. Communication is the key.

In later years I followed his example, teaching, tutoring and learning whenever I could. In one summer I taught a foreign child of war to speak, read and write English. In another season I taught an entire group of students the art of organization and teamwork. Along the way they taught me how to speak to be heard.

When finally I became an NLP Practitioner, I realized why my music teacher had been so effective, and why I had learned from him. He had been my model for teaching, and had learned through his own experiences what I had come to learn in my own classes.

These are only two very personal examples of the miracles that can occur in a learning environment when communication becomes an art. By teaching we learn how to learn. By learning, we teach others. By accelerating skills through techniques found in NLP, we create a place where both teacher and student can realize their own potential. That is the true power of education.

In every year there is 525,000,600 minutes. That is the number of opportunities you have every year to become that which you most value, and each second can be a step towards a new life. What you are isn’t the clothes you wear, or the way you look. What you are isn’t anything like that, it’s something less definable and much more infinite. You are a being of limitless potential who can expand beyond anything, as long as you have the willingness to take steps to changing. This is a truth we see spanning across human history in song, story and even in our holy books. We have resources that can be tapped into: the law of attraction, the mind-body reaction and the factors that can and will change our world.

So, how do you begin to make that change into becoming you? By changing your lifestyle, by making good choices instead of convenient ones, and by using the right kind of language with yourself. The more you change the more you will realize how you have control over your own life. When you wake up in the morning, smile, even if you don’t feel like it right away. The simple act of smiling not only burns more calories then a frown, but it also creates a chemical reaction in your body that will help you for the rest of the day. When you smile, exercise, laugh or even relax, you are releasing endorphins into your body. These hormones are responsible for your metabolism, your immune system and so much more. Your body craves it, and it’s so easy to allow it such food. Healthier, all because you smiled. In Japan they have exercises that include simply smiling, sometimes with a pencil between their lips to keep them focused on it. They had two reasons for this odd training exercise: One was the fact that it gave a boost to immune systems, but the other was because of how much a smile can communicate to someone.

Only 5%-7% of the language we use in conversation is verbal, and the rest is in our tones and body language. A smile not only gives us a more positive tone automatically, but it also relays the visual message of trust, understanding and human connection. Once upon a time in Japan people were taught not to show emotions. They were taught not to smile, and not to show facial markers of emotions whether it was anger or happiness. Now they realize the stress this can have on the body, and the benefits of smiling. Even better, they discovered what millions of people already knew: smiles, like laughter, are contagious. When people smile, it brings back memories of happy times: this is simple body memory, and with conditioning one can learn to smile to become happy and to enjoy the benefits of a resource state.

Imagine being able to wake up in the morning and, by simply smiling, being able to become full of energy, and joy and happiness, because when you learn to smile more happiness will come to you. And I mean a real smile, teeth bared, lips upturned and your cheeks bunched up, not some little wan small thing like people give when they’re sad and trying to pretend not to be! If you’re having problems, take that pencil and stick it in your lips and smile around it. Go try it in the mirror right now if you like. If you look silly, that’s fine, have a good laugh. Life is about laughter and joy, so have some fun, even if it’s seems silly. Get those endorphins going. After a while, you won’t need a pencil to get a real smile, you’ll do it yourself. Start each day like it’s the only one you have and have ever had. Smile, get smiles back, and you will realize how important a change this really is.

You’ll get noticed more, you’ll feel better, you’ll hear and notice things that you didn’t notice before, because your mind and body connection are in such perfect harmony that when you feel better, you will notice more and more things that will lead to happiness. The more you smile, the better you will feel. The more you become aware of the things that make changes, the more positive changes you can make. You can train your body and your mind to fulfill your desires, and every second is an opportunity to be used.

NLP is built to impress the biggest change in your life. Made by John Grinder and Richard Bandler, it can easily improve life, expand business, and give you a more leisurely life. See, hear, and feel the difference it will make in your life, and in the lives of those around you.

For forty years now, NLP has done just these things for millions of people. By learning it and incorporating it into their lives, they have discovered a transformation that has led them to more comfortable and empowering lives. From the ground up it was made to be something that created quick and instant change within people, and it has become a set of tools that allow us to delve into the unconscious mind to break the chains of limiting beliefs. Using NLP you can train your mind to visualize events, hear conversations and feel motivated and confident about something before you even begin. By doing this you will find yourself opening the potential of your mind.

So, where did this tool box come from, and how can you learn to use the techniques within it?

Well, the techniques were created over time by the fathers of NLP: Dr. Richard Bandler and Dr. John Grinder. Together they observed the behaviors and mental patterns of some of the greatest people in many fields. They noticed consistent methods and utilized them to create their own success. Authors, athletes, artists, therapists and some of the greatest public speakers in the world were all found to be doing the same types of things within their minds before ever stepping up to their personal challenges. This is where the field of NLP found its beginnings and its first evolutions into the creative and wonderful field it has begun.

So, now that you understand where the tools came from, how can you learn to use them to impress change in yourself?

Some people will try to read books, or watch DVDs about how to use these techniques, but until you go out and try them on your own, the impact will not be there. This is why attending an actual live training is so beneficial; You can learn from those who know, while finding yourself in an environment where you can immediately begin using the things you learn, and can master them with positive feedback about your performance. Whether you want to know the basics to transform your life with a Practitioner Training course, or know the complete ins and outs of the field with a Masters, you will learn about the tools you need to create effortless and easy change.

Imagine being confident, healthy and happy with NLP in your life. It’s easy, find out how here.

Change your life now. Expand yourself and your horizons. Overcome habits to experience freedom, learn focus to easily get what you want, and become the type of person that can do, will do and has done it all.

Every journey has a destination, but every journey needs a start. Sometimes to get on the path we want we must overcome the vices in our lives. Addictions, habits and fears can overcome our lives and force us to remain in environments that cage us in. But, you can be free.

What type of lifestyle do you want to live? What sort of person do you want to be? Change it all now, gain courage, confidence and the ability to move away from where you are, and forward into the future. It’s easy.

With the focus that we can offer you, you can take back the life you want, and learn how to empower your life. That is the power of NLP.

Your unconscious now wants to be free, so free it and allow it to be filled with the joy and wonder that can be your life.

You can also learn to be free of unwanted financial habits that may affect home and business. We can teach you the skills to move forward with financial strategies along with time management skills that will give you more free time to do the things you want to do.

For years people have used Personal Development, Life Coaching and NLP to free themselves from Phobias, smoking, drinking, drugs and gambling, allowing themselves to have richer more fulfilling lives. The only thing you need to bring is yourself and an open mind that can be filled with motivation and the skills you need to pursue the life you want. You will leave a free person, ready to take on the world and start your own journey.

No matter what you do, it’s your lifestyle to choose, and we can help get you there.

Let nothing hold you back. Through NLP you will learn to trust yourself and become aware of your unlimited resources. Learn how, here and now. All things are yours to overcome, as you go now beyond what you know.

You know right now what it is you want. The question is how to get it.

Life never seems to be a straight line, there’s no roadsigns and no instruction manuals to keep us going. Along our way we pick up influences, habits, states and phrases, some of which lift us up, and others which hold us back. That is why we offer you a way to find your own path to your desires. We help you realize your unlimited resources, which have been yours for a lifetime.

Developing the skills you want is a way to take power into your own hands, allowing nothing to keep you from getting what you want. The future is yours.

Right now, think about the influences that hold you back in your mind. The can’ts and won’ts and tries that bog down your thoughts and your words. These are the things that hold you back from achieving success. These words are the chains that keep you from the freedom of choice. The true failure comes not from failed attempts, but from the choice to say “I can’t do this. I’ve tried and it’s too hard, so I won’t try again.” This limits you. The ones who succeed failed too at first, but instead they said to themselves “Well, that didn’t work. Let’s try another way to do this thing.” It is they who will find a way.

Eliminate the resounding voices that tell you “no, it can’t be done”. Replace them with good feelings and with the confidence to keep going, no matter what. When this happens you will find a world of possibility that opens to you. You will notice opportunities that had before been hidden, and the world will come to your doorstep.

Life coaching, NLP and hypnosis are all tools and resources that can help you realize this potential to be the most excellent that you can be, but it all starts with you. All things are yours to overcome, so let nothing hold you back.